[USER]

I feel so lost. I am 21 and have minimal friends, and no family I can speak to, and in turn not going to my graduation. I have full scholarship and I graduate this trimester with a BA in finance.

The state pays part of my rent for the next 4 years and I have up to $5000/year in more scholarships for any extra classes I want to take in the next 3 years.

I have all this to be grateful for and a possibly bright future, but my major depression stemming from childhood trauma, lack of inner circle, and pure bad luck has me so out of touch.

My GPA is only 3.02; though I am a lot smarter will my employers see it?

I am currently unemployed because of serious threats a coworker made to me, and I don’t know where to apply next.

I don’t feel ready for any internship like my peers but I know I should atleast be applying.

I don’t even think I want to do finance- the skills and experience has been amazing but for someone who’s consistently been given extra cash from state or scholarship aid since turning 18, I have $0 invested.

Something I did this past summer was change an engine by myself; but they sold me a bad engine and refunded me.

I got another one to put in; but it was also bad… I had swapped the fuel tank, and ripped the interior out before painting the floor and putting it all bad together again.

That car was where my passion was; and I had to sell it.

The next model of that car I was scammed $6,000 on, straight up. Insurance fraud background, no title/middle of title washing process and persistent engine problems.

I wish I had family or support people that I could reach out to for guidance, but not having that makes me feel like I cannot succeed.

Thank you for reading and any encouragement, guidance, advice you can provide.

[Rebecca]

Don’t put your gpa on your cv. It’s not that it’s a bad gpa, it’s that it tells me you’re ‘green’. Lead with your qualifications, always.

As for the rest – social connections, financial success – you’ll find it. It takes longer for some than others.

Be open. Seek out socialization. And as others have said, counseling can be great for social coaching and managing depression.

Hang in there.

[Joyce]

This is what I would tell my kids. You’re only 21 – you’re a baby! It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do yet – it’s weird that we ask people to pick a career path before they’ve ever had their first real career.

Get out there and try some things you think you might like. Even if you hate it, it’s still a win and knowledge for the future.

Having a community is key though. Join a gym or look for a hobby car club.

Maybe there is a non profit that helps fix vehicles for low income community members that you can volunteer at. Or a church group, or a hiking club – anything to help you find people, because depression is hard to snap out of alone.

You have your whole life ahead of you to worry about money, right now you need to give yourself some grace, and find your fun, and find other people who share your same likes and interests who can help drive you forward, and celebrate with you as you find your momentum.

I didn’t finish my bachelor’s degree until I was almost 25, I didn’t make more than 50K a year until I was 31.

I didn’t start saving at all until I was 35. Now I’m 49, and my 401K will be back at 1M when the market comes back to life.

You have plenty of time to get here.

[Kate]

Hello! It is good that you are reaching out. My advice is to see a therapist that will help you work through the childhood trauma.

I wish I did it when I was your age. This alone will change you life trajectory.

As far as finances are concerned, apply for jobs, you will eventually lend a position.

It will not be easy, so don’t be tough on yourself if it doesn’t happen right away.

Establish an emergency fund with 6 month of living expenses in it and afterwards put maximum into Roth and 401k.

Good luck!

Ps – how did you get the state to pay part of your rent?

[Anne]

Sending you a virtual hug from a mama of young adults. You are a precious creation, you will find your people, and each and every day you have the opportunity and obligation to yourself to write the script of what your life will be.

Plz consider finding a good therapist to help you heal the trauma.

Google and consider EDMR… it is an amazing technique therapists use especially for healing trauma. Buy the book, “Designing Your Life” and the accompanying workbook.

It’s useful at any stage but especially so for young adults (and new retirees who need to rewrite who they will be in retirement).

My mom’s advice to me about relationships was to be a good friend to others, and the rest takes care of itself.

What she left out was to be discerning about who you choose to surround yourself with. Find kind, honest, empathetic people who share your values.

If school is paid for, get a masters degree and use that time to explore various career options, based on the results of your DYLife workbook.

[Drew]

Things are hard when you’re young because you don’t have the benefit of experience and perspective.

You are doing very well, getting your degree in finance at 21 is amazing and just the fact that you are aware of investing at your age is a head start.

You know the right thing to do so just start.

Young people have it hard today because the social structure is so different.

The main thing to remember is that you aren’t alone, find a club or a group or a church that you can join and get involved or volunteer.

When you start talking to others you’ll find your feelings and experiences are not unique and there is some solace in that.

Others have mentioned counseling and that may be an important tool for you as well.

Just remember, you are young and are at the beginning.

Things are hard but as time goes by and you start to build your life, things will fall into place and one day, if you always just try to do the “next right thing” you’ll look back in a very successful life.

You’re at the beginning but you have had a strong start, good luck!

[Palmer]

I’m at the other end of the rainbow, in my 70s, we are comfortably retired, but please hear me. I’ve been in that place where you seem to be.

Every direction you turn seems to be uphill. I let it get the best of me in my late teens, but by sheer chance I survived.

Please try this. Don’t dwell on things that “went wrong”, what “could have been”, what “should have been”. Yes we all hopefully learn from life in realtime, but don’t fixate.

The method that worked for me was when I realized/caught myself dwelling on a negative was to discreetly shiver, which actually allowed me to shake myself out of it.

If you practice this over and over, it becomes a discrete habit. Once you shake off the negative past it allows you to observe and plan the potential good of the future.

Allow yourself to see all the positivity the world can offer.

It may take time, but leave yourself open to success. You are worth the effort.

Intentionality is a powerful thing.

[Sheila]

Your GPA will not affect your job prospects. Don’t worry about that
Do you enjoy working on cars? Is that what you mean by it was your passion?

[Ashley]

3.0 is great! And believe me plenty of smart people made dumb financial decisions in their 20’s. It actually can make you more aware.

And I agree that finding a way to spend time doing something you enjoy is important.

I’d also gently like to suggest counseling if it’s available at your school.

You have some serious self doubt and I think some support would help you get over the hump.

If not a counselor perhaps find a primary care doc and go in for a physical and chat about the depression.

[David]

You weigh to heavily on GPA for applying to jobs. I myself graduated with a 3.01 and have successfully been able to have a wonderful career being a technical and now a scientist.

Regarding your car troubles, I think you need to do some more research on used cars so you dont get ripped off before buying.

Maybe higher a mechanic to tell you what’s wrong or get a car reader to give you an idea on what repairs are needed.

Worst case buy a slightly new car and get a loan so you have a reliable ride. Start with a Honda or Toyota

[Dman]

1) time is on your side, my friend. I can sense you’re comparing yourself to a lot of us here, but just keep in perspective that a lot of us much older are still figuring life out or didn’t figure it out until way later.

The important lesson is to keep taking incremental steps to become better whether it’s financially, socially, whatever it is.

2) don’t let your deficits define you! Use them to your advantage or build skills you have to be so great that they overshadow the deficits. Of course, build those deficits in the meantime as well

3) for your community, join a school club. Join a gym. It will be exhausting to put yourself out there at first, but you will find your tribe if you try.

4) your gpa is good. Focus on getting the internships even if you are not fully ready. Half of us are faking it until be make it anyways.

I can confidently say that as someone that graduated with a sub 3 GPA making more money than some docs.

I just happen to be really good at something unrelated to my degree that makes my company millions every month

5) please give yourself some grace. You’re still learning how to live. Mistakes happen.

Roll with the punches. Take the lessons learned.

Then thrive

[Adrienne]

Volunteer, attend a hobby group gathering/ put yourself out there a bit to find folks to build relationships with if you would like more friends- there’s so many clubs & interest groups out in the world- perhaps some folks that enjoy tinkering with cars?

Good friends can be your family & can really enrich your life.

[Tiffany]

Hello there, oh that is tough spot to be in. Reaching out and trying to figure things out is a great sign of looking to better yourself.

Said in a kind way, my reaction and hope after reading your couple paragraphs is find either therapy/books/something to work on your mindset.

Without the gonna make it happen/find a way/glass half full/everything will work out for my highest good mentality – it’s difficult for the other aspects of life to truly align for you.

Said with kindness and empathy, I reading you paragraphs I heard a lot of victim, always happens to me, I “had to”, I “should” be doing x, etc.

I say all that because I grew up similar.

Figure out those subtle self-sabotaging thoughts, victim stance mentality you are having and how to redirect them.

Again, I’ve been there. You’ve got so much going for you. Keep going!

[Lauren]

You don’t need to worry about your GPA, your story tells it – you had no supports and kids without family support have staggering rates of not even applying to college, not graduating, etc.

you’ve beaten the odds.

Join a meetup or college club ASAP. Work on making a friend. Forgive yourself for not saving and try again.

You can do hard things, you’re doing great. Keep going.

[Mary]

Schools usually have free counselling – personal, career, financial. Use them all bedore you step out into the “real” world.

Work doesn’t care about your grades, how smart you are, how hard you work.

Don’t make a mess, and know the social hierarchy.

Start investing!

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