[Alicia]

Problem I’m hoping others can help with. I’m 60 and my husband left me nine months ago. He told me I could stay in the house with no plan at this time to sell.

The house will be paid off in ten years at which time I’d like to consider cutting down on work hours. I continue to pay the mortgage as usual on my income alone.

The eventual plan is to sell but no solid date. Our college aged son lives with me. I am a 1099 employee with one credit card with $800 balance.

My only other debt is the usual gasoline and utilities, entertainment,etc. I and my estranged husband help pay for our son’s tuition at a local state school, all of us paying a third.

In the past year I’ve paid for a roof, new flooring, a fence, and garage shelving.

Feeling very scared that he can force a sale of the house at any time and get half. I do not want another mortgage and don’t feel refinancing in my name alone is smart (especially with today’s interest rates).

I love this house and everything about it is perfect for me (and my son while he’s living with me).

I had filed for divorce when he left, but rescinded when I pitched the idea of paying him half of the insurance monthly to stay on it and he accepted.

My biggest concern is what could happen with this house thing.

Not thrilled with idea of renting. Any comments you can provide may be helpful if they are civil and delivered with kindness.

Thank you.

PS reconciliation isn’t an option.

[Mary]

GET A LAWYER. Said with love and kindness. Your husband is not trustworthy- he proved that to you. I wish you the best

[Wendy]

I wouldn’t put a dime in until a written Agreement that the money you invest in maintenance comes back to you at the sale of the house.

Sometimes holding onto something is just not worth it.

[Annette]

Because laws are different for states and often changing. Talk to a divorce lawyer.

I know nothing about these things but is seems to me half of that house is his and he can call in the marker whenever he wishes.

[Dorie]

Get thee to a lawyer asap. Sorry, but your husbands sounds like an exploiter. So, he left, but agreed to pay 1/2 insurance so you won’t divorce him?

I’m confused.

Good luck!

[Francess]

you re paying the mortgage but when it comes time to sell, he s still getting half?

nope.

[Jen]

You’re married and you put money into a marital asset. So, you’re basically funding his investment. And you’re right.

He can file for divorce and force you to buy him out.
So. Get a lawyer. Now.

If you don’t want to divorce, at least get a legal separation agreement so you can figure out a way to stop funding his asset.

[Charlene]

You deserve support for a son in college, money for alimony to upkeep home for you and son. Please get a lawyer that is versed well in family law and divorce.

You may be surprised what you are entitled to in the end. Including insurance and up to 1/2 of his 401k.

[Kim]

Personally I would start putting money back because it’s a matter of time the house will be sold; either by you buying his half out or putting it on the market.

I foresee as soon as your son graduates or not sooner.

[Sara]

You don’t mention any other assets. Remember, you’re entitled to half of his retirement savings, which could be more valuable than staying in the house and having health coverage under him.

As others have mentioned, get a good lawyer as soon as possible and file for a separation right away.

[Dede]

Keep good records, I believe he would only be entitled to HALF the equity of the house when you guys split. Not half of equity when it’s final.

You are paying for all that stuff alone now. So, keep good recorded and consult an attorney as soon as you can to protect yourself

[Mary]

Get an attorney! His name needs to be off the house and mortgage or he absolutely can force a sale and take half of the gains (depending on your state’s laws).

And technically, assuming you’ve been married years and the property jointly held, he’s entitled to a share of the gains.

[Robin]

I would certainly keep a civil relationship with your husband, but if he gets into another relationship, you will likely have a sale forced on you.

You are not an employee if you are getting paid via a 1099, so you could have a hard time getting a loan to refi.

I feel for you in this situation, very much.

[Dorindi]

You seem like a healthy, thriving 60 year old, which is wonderful. Please call insurance company periodically and make sure you’re covered, since you are paying your 1/2 to him.

[Michelle]

I speak from experience -hire an experienced divorce attorney and for now at least get a formalized separation agreement.

This will outline the legal responsibility of both parties. Right now you are at his mercy and that of his attorney.

You are not being vindictive or greedy or anything other than smart by protecting yourself and your asset.

I’m sorry for what you are dealing with but it is very important that you retain an attorney. Best of luck to you!

[Tristia]

See if he would be willing to get any of that in writing. If you could come to some kind of legal agreement concerning the house it may provide you some piece of mind.

[Deanna]

He legally gets half, but do see a lawyer before you keep making it better bc he’s probably just watching & waiting.

Since he abandoned you there are options.

Good luck!

[Sandra]

Lawyer up. Get his name removed from what you can. Make sure you aren’t paying for “his phone” or car insurance, make sure you are the beneficiary on his life insurance and seperate any banking and retirement assests.

[Johnson]

If you just love the house and you want to keep it then you can’t just pay it off & retire
What is it worth and how much do you own on it
How old is your son

How much longer is he going to be in school
The plan eventually is to sell it and then what?

And stay married but living apart?
Your current & recurring bills are not debt
They are bills

You have put improvement into the house
He didn’t want you to divorce him because that will divide the assets and make him pay you

Think about that
Get in writing with legal help
That you get what you put into this house out at the sale

Save your receipts
And make a plan

[Annette]

Who owns the home? This is exactly why I never got married again. He will probably get half the house money if you get divorced.

Be grateful he is paying tuition.

Do what you need to do to be financially independent now.

[Wendy]

I had it written in to our Divorce agreement that I could stay in the house until I remarried or chose to sell. At that time I would pay him out half of the realized value.

Get it in writing!!!

[Kari]

Take proof that you have paid for all those things to court. If you sell. He should pay half of all repairs and maintenance.

This half usually gets subtracted from his share and gets added to your share.

[Robin]

Please don’t make any decisions without a lawyer. DO NOT use his lawyer.

The attorney is required to look out for the client who hires them.

[Dorothy]

Be prepared to buy him out if you want to stay, worst case scenario. My guess is he’s keeping you in a holding pattern to protect himself.

Also, if you are paying the mortgage, he should be assisting with repairs.

It’s his investment also which he will eventually reap from. Some states protect the home place against the one who defaults on the marriage.

You need to at least seek legal advice on the INS and outs in your state.

[Dana]

See an attorney, you are giving uiur sineday ex-husband half the value of the equity you are paying gut (mortgage payments and improvements & repairs) since he left.

There needs to be a legal date that he stops getting equity and that can only be determined by legal others.

[MiMi]

Get a lawyer. Refi the remaining balance on the house + his half, in your name. Pay him out of it.

If not, he can claim the tax breaks and or the interest on the loan that you will be paying for.

If the value of the house goes up and you arent divorced, he would get half the increased value of the house if wants the house sold later in the divorce. It’s a tough pill but will only get bigger if you wait.

Go to the healthcare market place and look for insurance rates.

[Author]

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