[USER]

I am feeling dismayed and like I’ll never get ahead. I am a single mom and my child and I both have chronic health conditions costing thousands of dollars in medical visits & treatments per year.

I work full time in a job that gives me health insurance and retirement but I make only $19.50/hour and I cannot get ahead.

My rent alone for a small townhome is $1100. I also pay utilities, groceries, all costs by myself.

I worked my way through college but had no family paying for college so I have insane student loan debt and I feel like my degree was largely pointless as I make barely more now with a Master’s degree than what I made before I even had a Bachelor’s.

Rising costs of living combined with medical bills is making me always unable to get ahead on debt or savings.

I want to start a side job or online business but I also caregive for an elderly family member.

During the week I’m gone from home 7am to 6pm and I’m exhausted and in pain by the time I get home but nevertheless I have to spend my hours before bed cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, helping my kid with homework, etc.

On the weekend I basically help my elderly loved one, do laundry and other housework I can’t do during the week & get the weekly groceries etc.

I have no time for myself, creativity, things that bring me joy.

I feel alone and angry, I’m sick of societal judgement and I’m just really feeling overwhelmed by everything and like no one understands or cares.

Thanks for listening.

[Miracle]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your feelings are valid. It’s like taking two steps forward and 10 back.

I want to remind you that you’re doing the best you can although it may not feel like it. You’re a wonderful mom and I hope you never forget that.

I’m wondering is it possible to get paid for being a caregiver and quiting your full time job? As far as taking care of yourself, finding moments of calm in the midst of chaos is important.

May be this is means skipping out on cleaning the dishes after dinner because you’re exhausted and need a break. The dishes and the laundry will always be there.

Even if you start with one day a week in which you do something for yourself, doesn’t have to cost money.

It could be a bubble bath (if you’re able to do so given your chronic health), a nap, watching a favorite movie with your kid and making homemade pizza.

It’s the little things that will get you through the very difficult times.

[Brian]

What is your masters degree in and what area do you live in?
At first glance it seems like a new job is the answer.

Under $20 an hour seems very low for someone with a masters degree
Have you looked into medical assistance for your child?

From what I understand, it will cover what is not covered by your regular insurance.

There are specific qualifications for your child to get it, but it sounds like your child having a chronic condition may allow them to qualify.

[Toni]

My heart goes out to you. I did the single mom thing with 3 kids and a sociopath ex. I worked 3 jobs sometimes just to pay the bills.

I was lucky in the fact that my home was paid for but I lived so far out in the sticks that I spent as much per month in gas as rent would have been at that time.

I was exhausted all the time and I have health issues because of that time. My children had chores at home.

Everyone told me what a bad parent I was because I gave them chores. They grew up to be great parents themselves with some pretty great kids of their own.

[Virginia]

Find your local food banks and get what you can for your household. Is it possible to merge your household with your elderly loved one?

If not, do you have a friend in a similar situation that you can join forces with?

Cutting your housing and utility costs can free up money to throw on the sl debt.

As possible, set a time limit for any co-housing change; if both you and your roommate know it’s a temporary pain, you can manage the frustrations more easily.

Your elderly loved one may need to reach out for support elsewhere so you can get a break!

[Carol]

I’m still thinking. You’re taking care of an elderly family member, where is the rest of the family?

I would think they would pitch in and help, at least a little bit.

Does the elderly family member have some kind of income? Something should be going to you.

[Angela]

Keep going! This will pass as your child gets older. Enlist in family to help, or support you mentally.

If you can take the elder outside, or your family outside, fresh air and sunshine are so good for everyone!

And it’s free!!!

[Donna]

Can you possibly get a roommate to share in rent/mortgage payments plus utilities… see if in your area is local food banks for help with groceries… also have you checked into getting food stamps…

can your elderly family member move in with you?

Can the elderly family member get food stamps? have you checked with your utility companies,,

see if they have programs for assistance with you being a single Mom… hopefully you lucky enough to get child support ….

good luck

[Brown]

I am sorry you go through all of these. If you feel sad, please remember you are trying your best to support your child and elderly loved one.

Practical things that you can do to get a little extra income is looking at your state policy whether you can get paid for the care giving you do for your elderly.

I believe some states can pay care giver of elderly people some money through medicaid. I think they pay somewhere between $15-19/hr.

If you can apply for that, I dont think you need to leave your current job as it gives you insurance.

Hang in there, I hope you get more practical feedback from others

[Carol]

Start making phone calls and get help for the care giving at least.
There are senior adult services.

Start there if you go to a church, ask for help there or from a friend who goes to a church. Reach out you might be surprised at the help you get.

[Mary]

You can get paid to care for a family member.I did the solo Mom thing and it sucks .. I know that doesn’t help but damn that’s hard.

My son is grown and now takes care of me when I need it.It will get better.

[Stephanie]

I don’t have any advice any better than what you’re getting. But I just wanted to say that you’re doing a great job.

You are doing everything you possibly can.

It’s not you. It’s them. It’s the way this society has been created so that a large portion of us never feel like we’ll ever get off the treadmill.

Especially when you’re in the thick of raising children. You’re doing a great job!

[Sara]

Also, I have one more idea for you since you have a Master’s degree. Call your daughter’s school and ask them if they would hire you as a teacher, and pay for you to get the coursework you need for a teaching certificate.

As a teacher with a Master’s degree, you would make a lot more money than you are making now, with the added benefit of being at school with your daughter.

[Ellie]

This seems almost exactly like my story. What job do you have is it possible to find a higher paying one in that field?

I have an associates and make significantly more than what you make although it has taken me a few years at my job to get to that point.

But I started out making approximately what you make. Did you try grants and scholarships to help pay for school?

Also, some jobs offer help paying off student loans as a benefit.

I struggled so hard to pay for my schooling but was adamant on never taking the loans as I feel they are predatory loans.

[Leslie]

That sounds exhausting! Are there any low income social service available? I am aging myself out of work and hope to work at the food bank for trade?

I’m sure you have thought of all the other things like a job closer to home?

Can you loved one help out?

My friend suggested I rent my third room. I have a daughter who lives and shares rent with me already but who knows.

[Kathy]

Not sure what your state says about being paid to look after a disabled or elderly family member but I know in NC you can apply to Medicaid to be a paid caregiver.

May want to check it out.

[Lisa]

Please see if EAP is a benefit at work. It is the employee assistance program, providing some free, outside counseling, financial counseling and other things to help employee’s personal issues.

It helped me greatly. Being employed by Medicaid for your relative is lower wages, no benefits.

If she is elderly and disabled, on Medicaid, she may be able to get an agency aid every day to keep her out of a nursing home, if she is in that condition.

Best to you.

[Amanda]

Look into getting paid to care for your loved one. I know there are state or federal programs available but not sure of the names or what is available in your area.

Look into giving plasma if you are able due to medical concerns.

Depending on your child age see about them cooking one night a week.

It could be hot dogs and chips but saves you cooking that night.

[Mary]

I have been told that the least expensive places to live are kansas or nebraska. check it out! look for food banks. stop doing everything for your kids.

surely they are now old enough to pitch in and do their fair share. look into benefits for the elderly in your town / county.

are you getting child-support for your child?

you can’t keep going on like this. maybe find a nearby church that does compassionate service?

[Hope]

Most hospitals offer a financial assistance program…ask for an application. You may be able to set up a automatic monthly payment of a negotiated dollar amount with your primary doctor.

Check with social services to see if you and/or your child may qualify for any state assistance.

Contact Education Department to negotiate repayment, deferment, forgiveness.

Apply for utility programs for fuel assistance.
That’s all I can think of right now. Best wishes and prayers.

[Suzanne]

I was a paid caregiver for my mom for several years. Services vary from state to state. You could always contact your local Area Agency on Aging to see what the income and assets qualifications are for your state to see if your family member qualifies.

I dealt with chronic pain and fatigue for several years so I can’t imagine working full time and caregive.

Stress literally will kill you.

I agree with the above in seeking a higher paying job however you’re still working 1.5 jobs with caregiving.

[Abigail]

I’m very curious about what type of masters degree you have? Maybe you should look at a different career path that pays more.

Usually there are multiple career available for different masters.

I have a masters degree and could do tons of different things.

Let me know and I’d be happy to do some research to see what other career paths are available for you!

[Cleo]

I’m so sorry. You are in the thick of the grind right now and it sounds like you are selflessly giving all of yourself to other people.

I would start by trying to find a new job. Not sure what your masters is in, but I’m a social worker an there are many social service jobs out there that will hire someone with a degree in psych, education, sociology, social work, etc.

[Loretta]

I was a single mom with child and no child support. You got this! They don’t give you an instruction manual on how to navigate life as a single mom.

You’re doing the best you have with what you have been given and you are doing a marvelous job! Keep your head up.

Times will not always be this tough. You will get through and you are not alone.

[Cheryl]

My friend just got approved to be the caregiver for her husband, and is now getting paid.

It took her several months, and filling out forms, but finally it’s approved and comes with back pay from the first date of filing. Please check into it.

Prayers, and good luck.

[Sue]

I get it. I was a single parent of 3 kids. I went to school to be a RN while working full time. I was active in the kids schools and a girl scout leader (to 2 troops) while I was in nursing school.

I had no family help because they were angry that had filled for a divorce from my physically abusive husband. I thought that life would be easier but it wasn’t.

I had put off buying needed appliances and a car so I worked 2 full time jobs.

I remained a scout leader. I often had 3 hours sleep in 24 hours. I worked 3rd shift at 1 job & days at the 2nd jobs. I have multiple autoimmune disorders so I worked in spite of it.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My girls had necessities and some extras but most importantly, we had each other.

The all got jobs when they were in high-school. 2 of them had paper routes from age 11 till they got jobs. They are grown, married and have kids of there own.

They are well adjusted and grateful that I tought them how to cook, clean & do laundry at a young age & are teaching their own to do the same.

[Author]

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