[USER]

My parents are both 55 with little to no retirement invested. They are very much “enjoy today, don’t think about tomorrow” type people.

I’m terrified they will not be able to provide for themselves once they reach an age of being unable to work.

I owe my parents everything for the life I have. They moved states to put me through private school, instilled a good work ethic and values in me, and loved me nearly unconditionally.

However, I work in the non-profit sector and do not make enough to help them continually once they reach that age. What should I do?

What would you do?

[Frank]

You? Probably nothing. THEY need to keep working.
If your primary goal in life is to support them, then you need to quit your current job and make a lot more money doing something else.

Because you have no prospect of supporting them right now. None. Nada. Zippo. Not gonna happen.

Honestly, what you need to do is get some therapy about this.

You have a form of misplaced guilt going on here that is not going to be solved with financial advice.

You need to be able to answer the question, “What are my HIGHEST priorities in life?”

and then take action on those, while recognizing that this invariably means that you cannot pursue different or conflicting priorities at the same time.

That is just how life works and it does not make you a bad (or a good) person.

[Megan]

Oh, I feel this in my bones. Similar field with parents who never made enough to save much and I have no idea what’s going to happen in the future.

My mom just turned 60 and she’s not in good health

[Kelha]

That was about the age I started having some of the challenging conversations with my mother.

She had not planned and lived for the moment. Luckily, she knew she was not money savvy and was open to listening to me and we had great respect and rapport with each other.

They still turn to me today and they have made good progress. There’s still more work to be done many years later, but she and her husband are listening and trying to make the changes quickly.

Things get heated between us at times. But they know it’s because I care about them and I want them to be provided for.

They both understand and see the sacrifices we make for our own family and our kids and how we are planning for their future, too.

(So, they understand they need to be self-responsible now vs me paying for their aging care.) My mother still overspends but she is trying.

They work with a financial planner now, we’ve done cost evaluations and I’ve made suggestions on how to increase their savings over the years.

They are having the tough conversations. They need to have more but there has been solid improvement over the years.

That’s the only thing I can suggest. Make it clear that you can’t support them and that they have to do something.

As others have shared, let them see what Social Security will really provide.

And, Medicare is not cheap if you do the comprehensive plan – could be $700-$1,000 per month for both of them, If they want full coverage and dental coverage.

Also, have them look at long term care coverage – expensive stuff. It’s very sobering.

[Katherine]

55 years age is not old.
Purchase Ramsey School of Financial Freedom for them and encourage them to do the course (or a similiar personal finances course).

Then they can make a plan and start saving.

[Ivy]

If you already know you are in a bad pickle financially yourself then you need to change yourself first.

There’s a reason why you put the oxygen mask first before helping others.

Non-profit is great if you’re at the top of the food chain.

Otherwise, make your passion a passion project and work hard not to be a burden to your parents first.

Then help them once you have proven track record of financial independence and literacy

[Fabio]

It’s really not on you, but I get why you feel like it is. Frankly, if my parents were in that situation at that age, I would sit down with them and let them know my concerns and ask if they have a plan.

If not, I would explore real estate as an option to build cash flow.

[Jennifer]

How do you know they have no retirement – is that the openness you all have?

If so, why not have some conversations such as running their SS estimates, showing them Medicare about how it only covers 80% and 20% is on them at 65.

If you show them some real data in a loving way, maybe there’s time to recover to understand that at this rate they will not be retiring.

Maybe they are okay with that? Although things happen to cause people not to be able to work.

[Deidra]

I want to note that my husband is from Costa Rica. Among many people there, I have noticed a strong sense of children being financially responsible for elders that feels quite different from what I’ve learned in the US.

So, if your parents are also from a country where that’s common, I empathize with that aspect of your question.

I think it’s good that you can help them consider now how they will plan.

[Carrie]

First they have 10 years before retirement and a lot can change. Also are you sure they plan to completely retire at 65.

Many people I know work until closer to 67 to get higher ss benefits.

If they have a paid off house even better if not there are lots of house options.

So first breathe – it will be OK. 2nd ask your parents what they are currently thinking and maybe run the ss#’s with them.

You might be pleasantly surprised that the gaps not as big as you think.

[Sarah]

I bought a house with a guest bedroom because I knew one day my mom and step dad would live with me.

I would not do this for any one else in mine or my husband’s family.

Eventually she will lose her house, but for now, she’s still living it up.

[Kenna]

We had my mother live with us when she was older. We’re from the US, and I think families had all ages in their households years ago.

A busy time but priceless memories.

[Chrissy]

I’d assume that you will be supporting them in their old age based on their sacrifices for you But that is such a family and culture specific value.

Maybe buy a house with a grandparent suite.

I know a lot of ppl will say “their problem,” but I can’t assume that you would let them go homeless or something.

[Author]

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