[USER]

Has anyone dealt with aging parents that have NO retirement? For reference- I am 28 years old, married, just had first baby, have a very decent amount saved for me and husband’s retirement (hopefully by age 40 or sooner).

I have always been pretty financially savvy and good at saving.

My parents on the other hands, not so much. My mom is 66 and has zero retirement funds.

She currently works full time and has no plans to stop but she isn’t in the best of health (has smoked all her life and has multiple health conditions).

She rents a cheap apartment in a bad part of town with a roommate.

She has no assets other than a $6k vehicle and maybe $2k in the bank.

No life insurance, nothing. I’m really concerned about what will happen when she is unable to work any longer. If she ever needs assisted living or anything.

The burden will fall 100% on me, I have a sibling but they are NOT financially well enough to help (even in the slightest).

Anyone else deal with this and have any advice?

[Christian]

Might sound cold but it’s not your problem. I tell my kids I am not your responsibility.

You are my responsibility and I will not be a burden when I’m older.

[Ri]

Maybe it’s an Asian thing but parents are 100% our responsibilities. No matter what, I will take care of my mother down to my last breath.

Money is no object, she is your mother!

Money comes and go, but you only have 1 mom. Just think about it.

[Shawn]

They have low income senior housing for people like this. With Medicaid and food stamps it’s livable but not ideal.

[Amy]

I am in the same situation. Both of my parents were minimum wage workers their whole lives. Which means their social security is low and they have nothing in savings.

They are 75 & 77. They receive some help but not nearly enough.

I pay for all expenses with their car, cell phones, help with clothes, hearing aids, dentures, cleaner for their apartment and pay anytime we go anywhere.

My largest struggle in life is the discrepancy between my success and my parents lack of success.

When one of my parents pass, I will have to supplement the other between $500-$1000 a month to make ends meet in their tiny apartment.

You are smart to foreshadow this, the time will come.

[Justin]

A few things I can ask or recommend.
Have you spoken to your parent about the matter?

Also, what I would do is get her to apply for income based housing for seniors, the sooner the better.

They’re not always in the best of neighborhoods, but at least it’s affordable.

[Hana]

You’re not alone. My mom is first gen immigrant, who gave her all for us. On the surface, it doesn’t feel “fair” to take care of parents even into adulthood, which I get.

I’ve had to be translator growing up and have had to hold adult convos as a result and felt I grew up way too quickly. At the same time, I learned the importance of responsibility and empathy early on.

I will say I didn’t feel like I had a proper childhood, but I love my mom regardless and do feel the innate call of duty to care for her because I saw and experienced what sacrifice looks like.

I will eternally be grateful for all she’s done for us to open opps for us to get to where we are today even if she wasn’t “directly” involved. Right now, she lives off social security and Medicaid.

I purchased a quaint condo for her, which she pays small rent to me, and she still manages to live within her means.

We are prepared to care for her full-time when she’s no longer independent. There’s no question or doubt about this and am honestly proud to provide what I can when that time arrives.

Perhaps I have this view because my relationship with my mom is close, and we both are grateful for each other even if there are tiffs here and there (normal human and family stuff)

It does take planning and budgeting and with some pinch of sacrifice at varying levels, but financially, it can be done!

It is an intentional choice, and when it is, we just make it work somehow. Hugs your way!

[Brenda]

This was my parents situation. My mother passed away nearly a year ago, and my father lives with my family now and I handle all his financial matters, with just his SS and Medicare each month.

You do what you gotta do….

[Juliana]

Going through the same situation. I’m 29, both parents in their 60s with no retirement. However, not married and do not have an enormous amount of savings due to going through a recent divorce that set me back a bit.

Also have no idea what I’ll do on this matter.

But wanted to reach out and let you know you are not alone – might not be comforting, but it’s all I can say.

Would love to hear some answers too.

[Alex]

Build a small grandma apartment on your property. Much better than sending checks to pay for stuff.

Will keep her healthy and engaged as well.

[Matt]

Step 1 in my opinion is finding out just how dire the situation will be.

You can walk her through finding out how much her social security check will be by logging into the website. Check with her company for any pension possibility (however unlikely, but better to have that info).

There are MANY programs that help unemployed seniors with different things, SNAP benefits for food, and some areas of the US have low income housing offerings.

It’s not easy, and will most likely take some research and phone calls but with your help she will be in a better situation and more likely to be ok.

I’ve been through it so I feel for you.

Good luck.

[Alicia]

Learn alll there is about Medicaid. She will be relying on SS and Medicaid for herself when she gets there.

[La]

I save for that just like I save for everything else. I am lucky in that my mom is only 20 yrs older so hopefully by that time she can’t work I can access 401k without penalty.

My dad is deceased and I would have paid anything to have him around

[Kristin]

Following because I’m currently worrying about this same issue. My mom is mid-60s with no plan. She had a stroke some years back and can’t work anymore and her SS payment is stupid low.

Her husband makes decent money but he has health issues and is headed toward 70 y/o.

I’m not sure what the answer is. My kids are coming up on college age, and I can’t give at both ends.

[Ammar]

As muslims, caring and taking of parents is a duty, noble thing and a path to paradise! Do not listen to those who say it is not your responsibility or problem!!

some of islamic instructions towards parents:
the duty of taking care of parents in Islam:

1. “Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.”
(Quran 31:14)

2. “We have commanded people to honor their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years.”
(Quran 31:14)

3. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of the parent, and His anger lies in their anger.”
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi)

4. “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him in weakness upon weakness.” (Quran 31:14)

5. “Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers.” (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, Sunan an-Nasa’i)

6. “Be kind to your parents. Say not to them ‘uff’ and do not repel them, but speak to them a noble word.” (Quran 17:23)

7. A man asked the Prophet ﷺ, “Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He replied, “Your mother,” three times before saying, “Your father.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

These show the immense value Islam places on caring for parents, especially mothers.

[Chris]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned this: Why don’t you help your mother to be better with money and plan for retirement?

You don’t have to help her financially, but you can act as an advisor.

[Tracy]

I don’t know about every state but my mom lives in assisted living on a medicaid waiver. There aren’t many assisted living facilities that accept Medicaid but I was lucky that the one down the street from me does.

Be mindful when getting involved in their care. It’s exhausting. It has cost me thousands in missed opportunities at work, time, gas, etc.

The time spent on phone calls, alone, is crazy.

Don’t feel like it’s your responsibility. It can feel like a thankless job, at times. Most times, actually.

[Flynn]

I have the same problem. I just can’t get them to do anything about their future. Fully in debt.

Has mortgage to pay for. It’s gonna suck I can already what’s gonna happen.

[Rania]

Parents come First! Yes, it is your hardwork to reach where you are now but she has credits too! Save a little on the side on monthly basis, in her name.

Trust me, God will make you richer & your kids will be by your side @ your elder age.

One day, your mom won’t be here, you will regret not stepping forward to help her…

[Robert]

I think you have received some great advice, and I don’t want to add much so as to avoid redundancy, but let me say this- a person of ANY age can join AARP; and it’s like only 16 bucks a month, and I think their biggest value is that they seem to have a ton of references and links on assistance for older folks; at the local, state and federal levels.

Aside from that; I’m afraid I have no other advice; as my parents planned well for their older age. But good luck and keep us posted.

[Dolores]

My best bit of advice is to speak with people who have successfully navigated this with their parents AND have a good relationship with their parents if that’s also what you have.

Some are giving you advice or a lack thereof based on their unfortunately bad relationship with their parents or bad experiences.

It does not need to be that way for you. Help you parents start planning now and you can also check their projected social security amount online so that would be a good place to start planning as well.

[Maggie]

Recommend speaking an atty that specializes in elderly care.
They should be able to guide & plan for options when your parent needs assistance.

You might also look into purchasing a life insurance policy to cover expenses after they pass.

It’s heartbreaking to see some responses that their parents are not the child(ren)’s responsibility.

It’s a sad world when family members kick other family members to the curb.

[Maranda]

If she has health problems and becomes unable to care for herself, she will be able to go into a nursing home under Medicaid.

All state requirements are different but sounds like she would meet eligibility. It’s not ideal but that’s the system in place.

You do have to have medical needs to go there though. You can’t just go there because you can’t afford to live someplace.

As someone else says there are subsidized low income elderly apartments if she’s independent and able to care for herself.

Assisted living is entirely private pay and thousands of dollars per month. Any extra care you have to pay for as well.

Assisted living is very expensive and you have to have substantial income to afford this standard of care.

A lot of people run out of money as they are living so much longer.

[Christine]

She’ll have Medicare, SS, government aid, food stamps, etc. If you have deep pockets and helping her won’t set you back, fine. But you have your own family to take care of now so if you can’t, you can’t.

Of course you can help her with the paperwork and talk to her about her plans, help her figure things out but YOU are not her retirement plan.

[Dean]

Check out Consumer directed and personal assistance program, could potentially pay you up to 72k a year to take care of your parents and can hire anyone to do so including family.

Some other states have a Self-Directed Personal Assistance Services (SDPAS) instead.

[Lauren]

She will qualify for Medicaid and other government assistance programs. It’s actually less of a burdensome situation for you because she doesn’t have any assets that you have to try to protect from the government for any care received in the future.

[Author]

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