[USER]

Need straight up and direct help. Finally got back my share of ex husbands 401k.

$150 k
Ex husband phycisian – divorce due to cheating with a nurse he works with.

Current situation
Stay at home mom.
No job
No savings
No retirement
No investments

Ex husband had his name on all the investments and took n kept with him.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing in my name.

Where and how can I use or look at – so I can be mentally at peace knowing I might catch up and be somewhere or have some income by retirement.

Thank You guys

[Eric]

Half of all investments earned while married should be yours regardless of whose name they’re under.

[Kris]

To add: you have the $150k retirement…. I know that doesn’t feel like a lot, but it will grow over time.

Also, were you married for more than 10 years? You’ll get 1/2 his social security as well.

[Dave]

I think you need to find a good attorney and get a consultation regarding your options and cost of litigation.

[Sam]

35 years old – get a job. You are ahead of most your age with 150k. Be thankful.

[Rashad]

Any woman who plans to be a “SAHM” should get something in writing on how their retirement accounts will be funded and how they will be financially compensated.

Being a SAHM sounds great until situations like this occur.

My mom is 74 and still working because she missed out on so many years of income. You never catch up.

[Joan]

Yikes!! Are you getting spousal support and child support?
Ae, you getting a job?

[Elizabeth]

In your state can you sue the nurse for alienation of affection? Some states you can.

[Katherine]

Attorney. Forensic accountant. Alimony until you reach a certain income level.

Go after your fair share.

[Jason]

1. Get over it, what’s done is done. Your life will be fuller once you do.

2. Get a job, pursue a degree if necessary

[Eileen]

You said you finally got your share of his 401k – are you saying the divorce decree has been issued and all is settled?

You only are looking for advice moving forward?

[Kris]

I don’t understand, why did you not get 1/2 of the investments if they accumulated during your marriage? How many kids? What are your expenses?

Are you receiving alimony and child support?

I’m assuming that you plan to get a job. Just take 1 step at a time.

[Jeremy]

This feels very off to me; even representing yourself in the divorce, this is such a lopsided judgement that I can’t imagine how a court signed off on this.

The ship might have already sailed and you might not care to share but pretty critical pieces of information that are missing:

How long were you married? The fact that you’re only getting two years of alimony tells me this was probably a pretty short marriage; probably a max of four years.

Division of assets is probably going to be limited to whatever was accumulated during your marriage.

Assets you each brought into the marriage will likely not be considered.

Was their a pre-nup? If so, that’s probably the end of the discussion.

How old is the child/children? Who do they live with? You or him? How much time?

If you’re sharing 50/50 custody, child support is going to be lower because the child/children are living with their father some/part/all??? of the time.

If this was a very short marriage, your spouse had the majority of their assets before you married, your spouse has shared or full custody, etc… You’re probably fighting a battle you won’t win.

If this was a longer marriage, you have full custody of the children, all assets where accumulated during the marriage, then maybe you might have a chance at getting the divorce decree modified, particularly the child support piece.

I would guess the things that will be most heavily considered are the length of the marriage and things that each of you brought into the marriage.

Did you get your degrees while married? Did you pay for them jointly? Did your spouse get their medical training while married?

Did you pay for them jointly? Did you both go to school/work before marriage; if so, how long? What assets did you have when you married?

[Cortney]

Get an attorney. Taking care of his children (and yours obviously) is a full-time job, and you deserve alimony at minimum, ESPECIALLY in the case of infidelity.

Full disclosure, you will need to find work (ignore the people in this thread who have stated this in the most insensitive and unnecessary way possible).

Try to find something you can do from home, so you can keep the cost of daycare down (if your kids are still young).

There are tons of resources online on how to “remotify” your resume and find remote roles, even if you were to start in customer service.

[Jennifer]

Go after him for more child support. Even if the divorce is settled; child support can be changed.

Go through your state. It is a calculator.

[Collin]

Representing yourself in the divorce was a terrible idea that undoubtedly cost you a ton of money.

I’m so sorry that you didn’t have anyone in your life to tell you how devastatingly bad of a plan that was before it was too late.

But we all make mistakes, and yours is far from the worst. Now all you can do is dust yourself off and begin again. You have an education – that’s great!

The first thing you need is a job. I wouldn’t even be thinking about anything past getting a job until that’s settled.

It will be hard but you can do this! We’re all rooting for you.

[Enilda]

Were you given any alimony?
I would think step 1 is to get a job. Do you have a degree or previous work experience?

Then start contributing to an IRA or 401K if it’s offered to you.

[Jeremy]

It’s hard to tell, but have you already finalized your divorce? It sounds like you’ve already received a portion of the 401K and that normally only happens when the divorce is final and the funds are divided by court order.

If you’ve already signed the papers, it’s probably going to be more costly/difficult to go back to court and fight for a new arrangement.

Certainly can be done, but it’s going to be tougher if you’ve already signed and a court has finalized it.

At some point you’ll have to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze.

If your ex spouse is a junior medical resident and there are very little assets and you haven’t been married long… you might fight/pay for a difficult legal fight and there isn’t anything to split.

If you’ve been married for 20 years, your spouse is a senior physician with significant assets, it might be worth the fight.

It sounds like this is not an amicable divorce so I agree with everyone else, you should get some good legal council so you know what the laws of your start will decide.

[Nicole]

You need a lawyer if you’re not divorced already. If you’re already divorced and left money on the table (seems possible if you got your share of the 401k) I’m not sure there’s much you can do now

[Natalie]

How old are you? How long were you married? If 10 years, then you’ll be eligible for spousal (and eventually survivor’s) benefits for social security.

[Carrie]

Maybe check out Nectarine – it’s an hourly fee based financial planner. It might be well worth the money to come up with a financial plan with one of their planners if you don’t know where to start.

It’s a little pricey but probably worth it in your case.

[Cindy]

You need income. Thats where you start. Without income you won’t be able to save more money.

If you have alimony and/or child support that will help you some but you’ll need to start working to be able to move forward towards your own financial independence.

[Stef]

You need a job, and a career. Not just a random job, something you can work in with stability for the next 30 years. You’re young and educated, you have time.

If you have little work experience, or little recent work experience, you may want to consult with a junior college about job training programs to get into a good paying career quickly. Also, therapy.

At some point, consult with a lawyer about getting child support raised, make sure he’s paying half (or more) of the expenses including childcare, etc.

Your life may look very different in five years than you thought it would five years ago, but you can recover from this and prosper and thrive.

[Author]

Posts