[‎‎USER]

Does anyone else have spouse ambivalent of their financial situation? My TSP (federal 401k) just passed 300k. My wife has no idea how much we’ve saved.

I’m hoping to surprise her in a few more years once its at 500k.

Im federal LEO so I’m eligible to retire in 11 more years at 50, mandatory at 57. Im hoping to get to 1.5mil + my pension.

My wife is of very humble origins from Mexico. She can’t even remember the password to our bank accounts

I try to get her more involved. But she says “she trusts me to do what’s right for our family”.

I know i know its not the best practices, but it is what it is.

[Rob]

My wife asks me the same question at the beginning of the year, “What % do you want me to contribute to TSP?”

I tell her every month what we have but it doesn’t phase her. Haha

[Emily]

Ours is backwards. I know everything about our finances, and my husband only knows what we have in the bank account.

I’ve always managed our finances, even though I can’t work.

He should know more, but I can’t get him interested enough.

[Robert]

I think this is more of a cultural question and a cultural issue than it is a FIRE issue, but I certainly understand where you’re coming from; when I was in private practice, I did immigration defense, and I was dealing with different cultures on a daily basis.

I realize exactly where your wife is coming from.

I would try to explain it to her as follows- “statistically, you are going to outlive me; and I do not want to go into my grave without knowing that you will be able to take care of yourself when it comes to financial matters.

Yes, I will do right for our family; but I need for this to be a joint project; that way I know that after I’m no longer here, that you’ll understand exactly what to do.”

That is the approach I would start with.

[Barron]

Husband and I are very much on the same page, but this sounds cultural. It sounds like a lovely surprise.

Maybe rather than discussing amounts, at least let her know where to go if you pass unexpectedly

[Brenda]

Then you teach her, telling her that one day she might be managing it alone and it would serve your family best that she understand how
money is managed in the household.

It’s a devastating thing for someone to lose a spouse and have no understanding of their own finances.

[Alvarado]

While I think your intentions are sweet, I think financial goals and spending habits should be discussed and agreed upon together since you’re in a partnership.

What if your goals are not her goals and you need to adjust and compromise.

Better to be in the same page now vs later.

[Alva]

Me, but it’s my white husband that’s like your Latina wife I’m from a Latin American country and came to the US with $2,000 in my pocket 24 years ago.

I’ve managed our finances since we got married 17 years ago, been telling what to allocate to his TSP, has shared our master spreadsheet with all the info and all the projections consistently, but he really does not care because he trust me fully.

I ended up putting together a whole box with organized statements, accounts, password, etc. in case I get run over by a bus tomorrow

we’re on track to retire next year at 50 because he gave me all the reins and ran with it.

He knows I’ll never do him wrong, both of our names is on everything we have.

Keep doing what you’re doing, but keep her in notice.

felicidades!

[Ryan]

Yes, my spouse views anything about finances like dental work. I do keep him informed and he listens but rarely has an opinion and says “I trust you”.

This is one of several reasons we have had a trusted financial advisor the past 20 years.

At least my spouse knows the advisor so they can work together if I kick the bucket first.

[Morris]

That’s pretty cool. I’m not married but dating and I’m pretty sure women think I’m far from wealthy.

I’m also LE military with a small salary but I was a decent 210k in my tsp & roth

[Stefanie]

Well … your plan to “surprise her in a few more years” when the account passes $500K speaks volumes.

Rather than keeping her in the dark, focus on reviewing finances together.

Sit down every month (or at least every quarter) and hit the highlights.

Set goals together and track progress.

[Emily]

I agree with Robert this might be more of a culture question and his solution is good. I wanted to add to it, figure out what she is thinking/worried about or how to break it down to something that would make more sense or she would care more about.

For example, rather than we have saved 300k, say. This 300k is for x.

That means at 50, I can retire and that along with my pension means we can do x (the things she will care about).

It also means when you are 80 and if I’m not alive any longer, then you will be able to x.

[Chad]

It’s healthy to have financial talks periodically. At least a once a year review, though quarterly or monthly is probably better, especially if you’re doing budgeting.

We make it a financial date. We go have a drink and appetizers or meal.

We go over the status and discuss budget bucket adjustments, and goals we want to change, etc.

We try to keep the financial talk short, but allow it to keep going as long as we’re enjoying it – dreaming goals can be fun.

And having a spouse on the same page makes things easier because we have more priorities with money aligning.

Btw, my wife does not enjoy finances like I do. As much as I want to tell her every little thing, I try to summarize the things she needs to know.

On another note, we use Monarch Money to do budgeting, and she likes that – she also loves it when she/we ‘beat’ the budgeted amounts each month.

Just don’t use it like a hammer over her head when a bucket goes over.

We often spend more in one bucket and less in others so it balances out.

[Author]

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