[Jason]

Hey, friends. I’m 42, grew up dirt poor. Have never made over 50k in a year. A few years ago, right at the start of covid, my wife and I started a business in hopes of giving our 3 little ones a better life than we had.

The business never made a profit in 4 years, and I kept it open trying to hit that “breakeven point” with personal loans and credit cards.

Couldn’t close because I was in a 10yr franchise agreement. But I finally had no choice, and closed December 2023.

Since then I’ve been going through bankruptcy, about 450k in debt, and likely heading into divorce as well.

Money has always been evasive to me, but I have around 30k in retirement that should be safe from the bankruptcy filing…

All that said, I’m not really sure what to do. Feels like I’m out of options and ideas, and running out of time as I don’t anticipate cars or college getting any cheaper in the next 10-15 years.

Not looking for a pity party, just solid advice on how to get out of this death spiral.

Thanks in advance.

[Tamara]

1. Go to marriage counseling. You have 3 kids. At one point you loved each other and you could love each again with some help.

2. Get a job. Any job. Something that pays enough to live on.

3. Go through Dave Ramsey’s financial peace class with your wife.

4. Don’t take on any debt. It hasn’t done you any good and instead has ruined your life.

5. Get through the bankruptcy. Try to save your marriage. Then research careers that interest you.

If you start a business, don’t do it with debt.

6. Once your life has stabilized, then think about money and investing. Get a library card and read some of the recommended books on this page. Listen to financial podcasts.

Educate yourself. You can’t control your childhood but you can certainly educate yourself to control your future.

[Brian]

Don’t have any financial advice for you. However, I think it’s important to note that giving your kids a better life than you had growing up doesn’t have to mean paying for college, giving them cars, etc.

It can be in what lesson of wisdom you teach them, what skills you equip them with, unconditional love, and what morals you instill in them.

Sincerely,
A very successful child in life, and a product of parents who couldn’t provide financially at the level even their parents did for them.

p.s all we can do is our best. That’s going to look different to each of us.

Be kind to yourself and keep chugging along.

[Candice]

A business failure does not mean you are a failure. You simply tried something that didn’t work.

Try to get your marriage back on track with counselling. Invest time with the kids. And work whatever job(s) you can find.

Spend very little and you will be saving more than you think each month.

[Elena]

If you want to shift, your mindset has to be the first thing to change. If you tell yourself things like, “Money has always been evasive to me”…guess what’s going to happen? Happy to chat if you need a boost.

We’ve all had to undo unhelpful money mindsets.

You can totally turn your financial situation around — I have zero doubts

[Andrew]

Skip the finances, love your spouse, and save your marriage, and pray

[Sonja]

That’s tough, I’m sorry. Are you looking for financial advice or how to frame in mentally so it feels manageable?

Do you have an emergency fund to last 3-6 months?

[Sara]

Running a business is super stressful to both individuals and relationships. Sorry you are dealing with this.

I’ve never dealt with your particular situation but I will say that doing the deep reflective work needed to figure out how to take action to break out of negative cycles requires me to feel safe and supported.

Those feelings tend to require me to have money and some peace and quiet.

Can you get a job of any kind that can buy you some space and maybe marriage counseling as well?

That way even if you do split you can work through how to do it in a way that best supports your kids?

Are you familiar with Ramit Sethi’s podcast and netflix show? His work might spark some good conversation and reflections on finances.

you are facing your problems head on and doing your best, which sets an excellent example for your kids.

I’ve seen many parents stick their heads in the sand and act like everything is ok and it’s a huge disservice to themselves and everyone else.

Keep doing your best and it will get better

[Joe]

Focus on your family. Pray about it. You can right the ship. Not much is easy, and when it seems easy we sometimes get blindsided.

Be strong for your wife and an example for your kids and push thru.

You can overcome this. You know what didn’t or doesn’t work and how you got where you are at.

Lots of people are miserable yet have all the money they could have dreamed of.

Refocus, set your priorities, do what you need to do and don’t forget to look up and ask for help.

[Sarah]

That sounds really challenging. First off, what are you doing for income now? Have you read “The Total Money Makeover” or gone through a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class?

If not, do one of those and follow the steps. Also start watching Dave Ramsey show on YouTube today.

It won’t save you from bankruptcy this time, but will help with managing money moving forward. Secondly, financial stress takes a huge toll on a marriage.

Divorce is expensive and stressful. Do whatever you can to reconnect with your spouse if there’s any hope of saving the marriage.

Check out Mort Fertel’s work, many churches provide free marriage counseling, attend a local marriage conference (or at least watch conference videos with your spouse), connect 1:1 daily (take a 30 minute walk together), etc.

Third, reach out to family and friends nearby and see if someone can watch your kids once a week.

Use that time for a date night (you can cook a meal at home and make it special) or do any of the above activities that require some in-depth concentration.

Fourth, look into how you (and partner) can get a college degree (WGU or something similar) or a trade (electrical, etc.) to increase your earning potential.

[Rise]

Everyone has such good advice. Yes, save your marriage if you can. Divorce is very expensive, in addition to being hard on everyone.

I have a question: didn’t they let you discharge the debt?

How do you owe $450,000? Some bankruptcies reorganize debt, but didn’t the court recognize you could never pay this?

Did you have good legal counsel? Lawyers are to fight for you.

Then, go back to $50k a year and be happy. 2 incomes – $100k, not too bad!

Easier than a single on $50k.

[Debbie]

Just personally for me when I really need help with something I read up on it/research it.

I highly recommend learning as much as you can about the basics of good money management, budgeting, paying down debt, reframing our current attitude regarding money management, etc.

Surround yourself with only those people who are like minded and seek out a mentor.

Listen to podcasts, watch YouTube, listen to audiobooks on the free Libby app while driving, doing household chores etc.

That’s not the solution to all of your current issues but a good part & a good start.

Is a marriage counselor, preferably with a financial background, an option for you as a first priority?

[Douglas]

Hang in there. I grew up poor also and it shaped me into a person that’s super risk averse, so I admire that you went after something.

I feel the same way about my kids.

I know first hand the type of resiliency you have.

Lean on that to get out of this. And, you may have to help your kids more on the backend.

Until then, the way you handle this may become very important to them.

[Daniel]

While I haven’t been through the exact situation, I did experience a period of prolonged unemployment and a career change post-college.

What I learned:
1.) Take care of yourself. Let the things that really define you, define you, instead of your job/financial situation. You can’t force someone to give you a job.

You can make sure you are doing your best to address your mental, physical, social, and emotional health.

Financial / employment struggles are demoralizing.

2.) Use your village. People around you are willing to assist. We tell ourselves we can’t burden others, but research shows people enjoy serving and sharing their expertise.

Reach out, even though it may be uncomfortable. There’s a reason we say it takes a village.

3.) NETWORK. Start with your existing network to search for leads and expand from there. Strangers are often happy to share insights about their profession if you’re looking to transition careers.

All it takes is one good mentor in the right position to pull you into a good career.

For me, ultimately it was walking cold into an office that led me to the person who guided me to my career and eventually gave me a job in my new field.

4.) Leverage your experience/skills. Be intentional. Ask for feedback after job interviews.

Hone in on what you want to pursue for your career and get all the feedback you can to prepare yourself.

5.) Stop the bleeding. Cut costs. Get a job to cover costs, even if “below” your experience / education.

6.) Learn about money later, but for a career pick something people are willing to pay for. It will make the money part much easier.

Best wishes!

[Inna]

You will overcome and dig yourself out of this! Agree with others that you should try to focus on the marriage and family as they are the source of strength and motivation

[Brenda]

I’m sorry for all that you’re going through. Before you make a decision about your marriage, I HIGHLY recommend a book called “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman.

It is most helpful if the both of you read it. Best wishes to you and your wife!

[Endri]

I can tell you the mark cuban quote (you can fail many times but you only have to get it right once).

Think deep of what you have learned in business failure, I am sure that is an invaluable skill towards running future businesses.

Very successful people have started with such failure in business or worse. But they didn’t give up, they got up and tried again.

Your biggest asset right now that puts you ahead of most of us are these lessons learned.

Try to be like the ones that turned failure into success. Don’t let it define you.

As per divorce, unfortunately that may not be reversible, I am sorry for the pain you are going through, but know that eventually the cloud will lift.

You will see the light again. Apart from death, everything is temporary.

Don’t allow yourself to go in a dark place.

[Kerry]

A job with the state or a public university or anything with a pension system and fabulous insurance might be helpful.

Pensions aren’t what they were, but they still can be a great option.

I’m not sure about how it works in all states, but in the ones I’m familiar with, they are a good employers.

Sometimes it looks like their wages are low, but when you calculate benefits, they are pretty amazing.

They also often have all kinds of jobs for just about any skill set.

I don’t know as much about this, but apprenticeship to enter the trades might serve you well.

[Artem]

Recognize that the “divide” between making under 50k a year and making many multiples of that is in geographic location, skill/career choices, always keeping eyes open for the best opportunities, taking full responsibility in your domain, or some combination of the above.

This is the best country in the world to fix the income part of the problem.

Do your best to live every day to demonstrate to your wife and kids that you learned from your mistakes and you are taking immense action to change and turn things around.

[Author]

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