[USER]

This a bit of a touchy subject but curious about input.
My wife (34F) and I (30M) are having fertility issues. We are considering IUI and IVF but our insurance (Tricare) does not cover it.

For those that also had trouble conceiving, how did you add to your family without a huge cost?

We are open to adopting but a newborn is $40k-$60k. IUI and IVF are also pricey and not guaranteed.

We remain optimistic but I am curious to see what others are doing. We have a consult with a doctor at a fertility clinic in a few weeks but are scared about the cost.

It is starting to take an emotional toll on my wife with a lot of people on social media our age posting baby pics and the disappointment month after month.

We have about $35k set aside for an emergency fund but don’t see that a good use of our funds.

Our household income is about $200k/year. Even though this is a service-connected injury from my time in the Army, the VA will not cover my wife.

[Sherry]

We adopted out of foster care. Best thing we ever did.

[Jim]

I think that if you and your wife want to have children, and want to try to have children that are biologically yours, that I would not let a $50K fee stand in the way.

I’d look for ways to lessen it (even changing jobs for health insurance that might cover it), but I wouldn’t think “well, we could retire childless a year earlier…” as having weight against “we want to have children.”

Adopting is also totally fine and honorable, but I’ll come right out and say that there’s nothing wrong if you together prefer to try for biological children.

[Becky]

Have you both been to a doctor yet? If not, I wouldn’t jump straight to the conclusion of IUI/IVF.

There many many other less invasive and less costly things a fertility specialist can try.

[Robert]

What about adopting a kid in foster care? There are tons of kids in foster care who would love a forever home.

If they are older; they are going to have issues (I used to do child protection defense at the start of my legal career and it’s almost impossible to end up in foster care and not have issues) , but sometimes young kids (newborns and very young children) end up in foster care because the parents or the mom can’t take care of them; and there’s no acceptable intra-family placement.

[Tyler]

My wife and I are 34/36 and couldn’t conceive. I told her I’d rather temporarily stop our retirement contributions or take money out of an account and have the family we both wanted, regardless of spending the money on fertility treatments or adoption.

We went to CNY Fertility and really couldn’t be happier with the team there.

They found physiological oddities that my wife needed two corrective surgeries for in early 2024, that the surgeon said should have been done when she was 12-14.

We’re heading into 2025 at 26 weeks pregnant with our first baby girl.

I think it’s very important in life to actively make choices to pursue our most important goals.

FIRE is a great goal with a lot of benefits, but growing our family is more important to my wife and I, so we adjusted accordingly, and will again in the future, probably several more times.

We’re still packing away money and minimizing debt and all the things, just not quite as fast because we’re having a little girl!

I sincerely wish you the best of luck on your journey.

[Maquissia]

Honestly, if you are a person of faith I would say PRAY non stop. We did that in addition to natural remedies. It worked.

If you’re not a person of faith then yes adoption is your next best thing.

[Madel]

Iui is relatively inexpensive, especially if you and your wife are a man and a woman and have sperm (eg not using a sperm donor.).

Even if you are using a donor it’s much cheaper than IVF, my guess for each iui is around $500.

I’d start with that if your doctor thinks it would increase chances.

I would caution against thinking about foster care adoption as a cost effective way to adopt (I have adopted through foster care and also fostered).

Adoption is complicated and foster care adoption can have its own challenges.

If you are interested in fostering by all means investigate, but please be open to learning about trauma and adoption from the perspective of adoptees as well

as adoptive parents as you pursue this.

[Julia]

Adopting sounds like a wonderful way to build your family and help a baby who needs a family.

Can you reduce lifestyle to live off of $150k for a year and cash flow the adoption fees?

[Ntsuab]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. My husband and I went through this as well and we wanted our own kids so much. And you know what we did?

We financed it. If your clinic gives you that option, do it.

But if you have cash up front, use it. You’re not going to sit there and say you didn’t try.

Also, many couples flew to CNY because it’s cheaper. Some flew to Colorado. I stayed in my home state.

And to those who are telling OP to adopt, this is probably the most tone dead advice.

Yea there’s kids in foster care who needs a loving family but the struggling couple owe no one anything.

[Mara]

How long have you been actively trying? The fertility clinic should be able to run a variety of tests that will give you more information.

I’d try to relax until you get the test results back.

[Crystal]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. When I was in a similar situation, I was going to use CNY Fertility for their affordable IVF options.

They have a FB group and a medicine group. I was also a foster mom and while some children are placed for adoption, the goal is most always reunification and the kids need a lot of support.

There are also companies that cover fertility treatments, such as Starbucks, that you’ll learn about in the fertility groups.

Some members worked at the mentioned companies just for medical coverage.

[BP]

I have been through IVF. Diagnostic testing should be covered by insurance. Fertility medications you can find donations on IVF FB groups (how this works is when I was going through my cycle, I had a lot of extra meds on hand which I offered to donate to ones who were paying out of pocket for the treatment).

Lastly, for fertility procedures like egg retrieval or embryo transfer, you can work a financial plan with your fertility clinic.

Find a fertility clinic that has great financial plans and will work with you.

Given your yearly income, a round of IVF should be affordable but these are some ways you can manage finances.

Wishing you and your wife baby dust.

[Lorena]

A friend had ran out of options via IVF and tried a fertility Acupuncturist and had success.

Not sure of the cost.

[Anna]

I had a coworker who was trying for 7 years, they used acupuncture and conceived in less than 90 days.

[Nhien]

I have heard many women talking about using Tricare for medication and visits! Tricare won’t cover the procedure for sure but they sure refer you and flight you out to suitable clinic to do the procedure.

The final cost is like 15k to 20k.

Maybe an military spouse group can help answer more of those questions?

[Chantal]

Job change? Federal government job insurances now cover IVF.
I can totally relate to your wife’s feelings. Infertility is emotionally hard.

For my husband and I our decision making was always done from the perspective of us as an old couple sitting in our rocking chairs.

I wanted bio kids. We had a very short runway. So, we gave it everything we had, and if it didn’t work, we could be at peace with our efforts when we looked back.

We did not think our chances were good. Between everything we may have spent 60k? We paid for it all (with no debt) because our insurance didn’t cover the overwhelming majority of it.

We lived well below our means those years so we could afford it. Our life style mattered less to us than using the runway we had while we had it. We have two beautiful girls and no regrets.

We would have had no regrets even if it didn’t work because it aligned with our values. I think you have to dig deep into what you value in life.

Everyone’s experience, values and fertility path in life are nuanced and different.

[Laura]

Another option- You can “adopt” and transfer a donor embryo without having to go through egg retrieval and IVF, still have the pregnancy experience, and then without paying adoption fees etc.

The laws about parental rights etc are also different for embryos.

Worth a discussion

[Cally]

Fertility issues is a very broad statement. Highly recommend both of you seeing a naturopath if you have not yet as you’d be surprised what the chemicals in our world and an unbalanced diet will do.

Of course if you feel you have exercised all options please ignore my comment and I am wishing you the best!

[Meghan]

IUI overall is really not too bad price wise. Maybe $500-600 per cycle in my area. The pills they use to help ovulate are also pretty cheap and the trigger shot (hcg) was < $200.

I conceived both my children round 1 IUI, but we’ve been lucky in that regard.

Also, the health system we use offers a 20% discount if you pay your statement in full.

Go to the specialist. They’ll have a cost breakdown for you. Sending love your way as someone who has been through it and conceived my first at 34.

[Stephanie]

I don’t know the exact details, but a friend was told there was nothing Western doctors could do for her and her husband to conceive naturally.

She tried a doctor that had knowledge of eastern medicine and they put her on a special diet (I only know there was seafood in the diet) and she was able to xonceive naturally twice now.

Wishing you both good luck!

[Nikki]

High baseline cortisol may be in play if your wife is working in a high stress environment or identifies as someone with high stress tolerance (that was me).

Cortisol levels are significantly higher in people who are infertile.

Ivf studies have also shown that long-term high cortisol levels reduce chance of pregnancy. Best of luck to you both!

[Roxanna]

May not be applicable but still wanted to share just in case. My husband and I tried for 6 years and suffered an ectopic in the process. I underwent every test out there to determine the issue.

Well, turned out a simple semen analysis would’ve shed light on the issue.

My husband was found to have a Varicocele that was repaired robotically and just 3 months later his counts skyrocketed.

We conceived just 4 months after the surgery. So, our issue was male factor infertility but the male partner is often overlooked.

Also look into “mini IVF” much cheaper but some great results out there at various clinics offering it.

Very best of luck to you.

I hope your baby dreams come true!

[Author]

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