[USER]

Just a question, how do you overcome the guilt of someone giving you a gift but not reciprocating giving a gift back?

I’m just curious, this year is tight and i know next year will be even tighter. I did budget for Christmas but only for our kids and immediate family.

(It’s all we could manage) i just feel so bad when a co worker, family friends, neighbor gives us gifts and feel guilty not giving one back.

I end up using my credit card … but I’m trying to not. Even giving baked goods costs money with rising groceries cost.

How do you all handle this?

[Victoria]

Re-Gifting. It may sound tacky to some. But I would rather pass on things to others that may use them.

I can not use scented candles/lotions.. Automatic regift.

[Lisa]

I would write a nice thank you note. That way they know you received and appreciated the gift.

Honestly, I love giving gifts, but really don’t like receiving them as much because I don’t need more stuff, but I love a heartfelt thank you (and if it expresses an appreciation for the relationship, even better!).

[Marsha]

Well, when someone gives you a gift, they aren’t usually asking for one back. I think a nice thank you note would be enough, mentioning what that person means to you.

For me, I get joy out of giving, and certainly don’t expect them to reciprocate.

[Judy]

It is so hard to do. I have had to graciously accept the gift but explain that circumstances do not allow me to buy gifts.

However, perhaps you could donate volunteer time for something they value

[Rudi]

Can you make something in return? Cookies? Banana bread?

[Diane]

Why would I feel guilty? I just say Thank You and give a compliment (you are such a sweet & thoughtful person) and go on.

I submit: Some folks need to learn to receive..as well as give.

If I truly like the gift I brag about it to others and show it off given the opportunity, but I truly don’t have guilt but IF I can reciprocate later I will, but If I am unable, I just count it as a blessing.

[Angela]

I don’t feel guilty at all. I thank them for it and if I have a card I can give them I will.

When people give gifts, they are not entitled to reciprocity nor should they expect it, if they do that is on them.

Some people’s love language is gift giving, let them share the love how they’re comfortable

[Kathy]

Dollar tree has nice selections of different chocolates
Candles
Gift bags

[Karen]

Just say Thank you and how thoughtful it was of them to think about you!!! Some people have the gift of gift giving!

I have a dear friend who has it….

[Shawn]

One of my friends brought me a gift and I had nothing for her. Turns out she was regifting the birthday gift I gave her in September.

I don’t feel badly anymore.

[Charlie]

I always feel bad too but ultimately you are not required to give someone a gift just because they gave you one – when I give someone a gift, I do it just because I want to not because I’m looking for something back.

I try to remember this.

[Michele]

Stop the cycle, if they buy something and get nothing in return hopefully they will stop. No need to feel guilty, just say thank you and that’s it.

If they really know you they know your situation and are just feeling generous.

[Kendall]

Tell them thank you for their thoughtfulness and kindness. Then follow up with a thank you card.

Some people love giving gifts to express their love for others.

They just want their love to be appreciated.

[Paula]

I tell myself,”Will anybody remember this in a month?” Someone freely chose to give me a gift..I can accept this gracefully.”

It was not an agreed upon exchange. Important relationships do not depend upon “tit for tat”.

If it really bothers you, give them a gift on Valentine’s Day or a “Thinking of You” gift in March.

[Ancella]

Some people are just gift givers by nature, and they really shouldn’t expect anything back.

Just don’t give them anything in return, and if they do it for another year or two, maybe they’ll get that you don’t want to engage in the exchange and then they’ll stop.

[Jenneke]

I feel this!
The sheer number of people who deeply care for us and vice versa is too much for individual gifts!

This year I’ve made an array of ornaments from deadfall tree branches

Most years we take a candid family photo, I edit it to look like a ‘fancy’ on a free app and then mass print 350 of them for under 30 cents a piece.

Personal touches but nearly free.

[Kristin]

I have a relative that does art to give to people as gifts. It’s from simple craft kits though.

It still costs some money, but this relative is basically broke and likes to do things like that for people.

[Sandy]

My sister just did this to me.. sent me a Tx Roadhouse gift card.. which we love. But after several talks. let’s not exchange…

let’s visit each other. Let’s meet at the beach.

she did it anyway! I just yelled at her by text and said TY. I’ll send her a pic when we go to dinner!!

[Karen]

Do not feel guilty!! I am a gift giver. It is my love language. I give gifts or baked goods bc I love to do it.. it makes me happy…

However, I don’t nearly as much like receiving gifts…. just say thank you and enjoy

[Linda]

I’ve learned to give the gift of true gratitude. Reciprocity sometimes slightly deadens the original gifting act.

I try to give validity back by expressing true gratitude in person, and then writing a great thank you card.

That said, I do warn certain groups of people in advance that I’m not “doing gifts” this year.

[Kimi]

I’ve been remiss at thanking people all my adult life despite my very polite mother’s insistence on this when I was a child.

I regret not guiding my daughter to thank gifters by phone or letter.

But as an adult, she’s better about this and readily initiates calls with holiday greetings and to thank relatives and family friends for gifts.

My niece and I text a few times a year, mostly related to gifts for her young daughters.

She makes quick videos of her kids holding up the gifts I send, and saying “thank you Aunt Kimi”. It’s sweet to have these little bits of them in their holiday pajamas.

[Stella]

I have received gifts from some of my coworkers. I didn’t buy everything that I wanted for my family because things financially are hard right now.

So, I’m not buying my coworkers gifts.

Tell them thank you and remind yourself why you shouldn’t buy them gifts too. It’s okay.

I know you may feel bad about it.

But, you will feel worse when you struggle to pay a bill next month.

[Wendy]

As a gift giver, I give for the joy of giving, not to get something back.

People that really care about you will understand.

[Beth]

I’m a gift giver, it necessarily at Christmas, just when I see something the receiver might like, or I make something, I never, expect a return gift, ever!

Enjoy the gift, say thank you, and move on, because a true friend will not expect a return gift.

[Author]

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