[USER]

Not sure this is appropriate place but I need to hear your thoughts and ideas as well.

I am a single mom in her early 40s, sole provider and full custody of my daughter who is 9 years old. I just recently found love again after being single almost 10 years, my boyfriend is 15 years older than I am.

Things are getting really serious and I am trying to decide how we can merge finances, if we ever arrived at that stage.

Background myself
Salary $120,000 per annum
Home left with $280,000 at 5% with an equity of $25,000
401K/Retirement $70,000

Cash saving for another down payment for my daughters college, med school etc $100,000 (In Money Market)
From 2026 $3000 goes into retirement each month since I have enough cash for my second home down payment.

All these was before I met my partner and I had planned to work through 62 to retire solid, having started very late with lots of fall backs, divorce, losing money and starting from the ground up in my late 30s.

Now, Partner is in his late 50s with 1 son who is over 30, who is married with his own kids and not a dependant in any way to his father and that it.

Background Partner
Salary none they are retired but own a very active 501C
Paid off home worth $550,000
401k

Savings
I am not sure how we will be merging finances and he has said once we are married, I and my daughter are moving in with him so this gives me more disposable income of which I intend offering to pay the bills, and some groceries and savings for vacationing here and there as we intend doing lot of this.

I am hoping I am being fair but so far budgeting $2000 – $2500 as household contribution, I am currently at $4500 and was going to be $5000 as my expenses was going to increase by $5000 in the coming year.

N:B – My daughter has been going to a private school all her life, tutoring and 2 extra curricular activities.

so I still have some responsibilities in that part besides my monthly $2500 contribution.

Is $2500 enough

[Erin]

Get a prenup that addresses alimony since you will be the sole income earner in the house.

[Brooke]

Would you keep your house and rent it out? It might be nice to have that established asset working for you when you move in with him.

$25k equity might hardly pay to sell it now.

[Linda]

First of all, congratulations on finding love.
#1 – I agree with others here about a prenup and keeping your finances separate. You’ve worked way too hard to to risk it.

#2 – curious how much interest you’re making on the $100k in a MM you have saved for your daughter’s college. If it’s below 3% consider a HYSA, CDs, etc.

#3 – Has he shown you, his finances? I recommend having a meeting where you both openly show each other your finances and tax return returns.

If he’s not willing to do that, I would be concerned.

#4 it sounds like they could be a power dynamic at play- “he has said once we are married, I and my daughter are moving in with him.”

This should be a mutual decision versus it sounds like he is calling the shots.

#5 – I would recommend focusing on building your 401(k) versus considering a second home.

[Sunny]

Is there a reason to get married? If things go south, can you see yourself bankruptcy 5, 10 or 20 years from now?

You can be together. You can merge some finances.
For me, one divorce is enough to last a lifetime.

People don’t need to marry to have kids. A piece of paper won’t keep someone committed to you.

I have multiple friends who went through divorce having to file bankruptcy. Myself included.

You’ve built a nice nestegg for yourself. Prenups always have loop holes too.

[April]

Do you have college for her fully funded? Is he willing to contribute to her college?

His finances will be counted when you apply to her financial aid.

[Russell]

I’ve never understood this fascination with keeping finances separate. It’s all the rage, though!

He clearly seems financially responsible and aligned with FIRE goals. More so than you, since your goal was to retire at 62 and he’s retired in his 50s.

He’s not going to be a burden on you financially, so why approach it with a focus on protection?

You’re both opting into a later in life second marriage. Presumably you have comparable later in life goals? Be odd to be considering marriage if you didn’t.

Have conversations. Decide on your common goals. Make them clear. Then work together to achieve them.

If that means he pays all living expenses and your extra income covers private school for your daughter plus travel, fine.

But “I pay X%, he pays Y%” always just sounds like “roommates with benefits” to me.

[Rob]

Why get married? Have you considered just moving in with him and paying for certain costs? His house is paid off, so maybe offer to pay utilities and insurance.

Maybe some of the property taxes. You could always have joint account that you each put X amount in each month for groceries and stuff that you do together.

You’ve been divorced once and saw how much that cost. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than the first.

If he didn’t have kids, marrying him might be a smart financial move since you will likely outlive him, but in this case, he will likely leave most or all to his son.

[Kacee]

I would suggest having a very frank discussion to set expectations on what the financial responsibilities or splits are if you are going to live together.

Do not assume as that’s what causes a lot of misunderstanding and resentment.

Lastly, I would recommend keeping your financials separately and only contribute what’s agreed upon by both of you together.

Things are rosey and good till they aren’t so think about you and your daughter and your financials first, before anything else.

[Ashley]

Sounds like his monthly expenses are minimum on his end and since he doesn’t have the child responsibilities I think you paying for groceries, etc is plenty of a share or maybe you choose to contribute to paying one of the bills, like you take on the water bill and he does electric and gas.

I would keep your finances/money separate though.

Also, if you are living in his house but aren’t married or not on the deed of his house, then it is not yours so I don’t see why you would need to contribute to house upkeep etc since you don’t have any equity in it.

[Christine]

Unless you marry him, keep your finances separate
If at anytime the relationship doesn’t work out, it will be easier for you to move on

[Melissa]

Just make sure you have an iron clad prenup to protect your daughter. I would put the house you want to buy and your current house in a trust.

You really need to talk to a lawyer about all this.

The money spent on the lawyer will be piece of mind for later.

[Walker]

Your financial contribution of $2,500 per month seems reasonable and fair, given that you will no longer have a mortgage payment and will have lower housing-related expenses.

However, since your partner is retired and not earning an active income, it’s important to clarify how household expenses will be managed long-term.

Key Considerations Before Merging Finances:
1. Defining Financial Responsibilities
• Household Contribution – $2,500 sounds fair, but discuss who pays for home maintenance, repairs, property taxes, and insurance.

Since you’re moving into his home, you should clarify if he expects you to contribute to home-related expenses beyond utilities and groceries.

• Private School & Child Expenses – Since your daughter is your responsibility, it’s good that you’re keeping this separate.

However, will your partner contribute to her college fund or any other expenses in the future? Even if he doesn’t, you need to factor this into your financial plan.

• Vacations & Discretionary Spending – Since you both plan to travel often, will these be shared 50/50, or will he fund some as the retired partner?

2. Estate & Inheritance Planning
• If you move in without co-owning the home, what happens if he passes away first?

• Will the home go to you, his son, or his estate?
• Should you contribute to home-related expenses if you won’t have any ownership interest?

• Would it make sense to create a legal agreement that allows you and your daughter to continue living there in case of unforeseen events?
• Blended Family Finances – You both have children from previous relationships.

• How will inheritance be structured?
• If he has significant savings and retirement funds, what happens to those assets?

3. Your Long-Term Financial Security
• Since your partner is retired, you will remain the primary earner.

• You planned to work until 62 for a solid retirement, but moving in might shift your timeline.

• If he has a 501(c)(3) non-profit, will you contribute financially or work there in any way?

• Make sure you continue maxing out your retirement savings so that you remain financially independent.

Final Thoughts
• Yes, $2,500/month sounds fair, but you should clarify the long-term financial arrangement to avoid surprises.

• Ensure that your financial independence is protected, even after merging households.

• Have an estate plan discussion to clarify home ownership, inheritance, and any financial risks.

• Consider keeping some separate financial accounts to maintain control over your own assets.

[Author]

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