[Lonely‏]

I make $140k a year working remote in San Diego. I have a net worth of $1.3 million at 32 (single female).

I am planning on retiring in ten years once I pay off my home (690k left on the loan and I currently get a rent of $1k (after expenses) from my other property that I owe $480k on).

I expect to get a rent of $1800 partially renting out the property I do live in so I’d be living for “free” plus $2800/mo in minimum total passive income when I “retire” in 8-10 years (I also have additional “liquid” assets in emergency funds, 401k, roth and brokerage accounts)

I am trying to date and want someone that is doing better than me in life so I can be inspired and learn and grow but I’m finding that men my age look much older and unattractive if they have a decent career or they are mildly attractive but don’t have their shit together.

If they are both then they are taken. I’m at a loss. Is there no hope for me?

(I am in good shape, attractive and have no problem getting dates in general but it’s the quality of the available men that bothers me).

[Matt]

You’re killing it. Absolutely don’t settle haha that’s lame advice. Keep your head up and keep doing you.

I think love hits us when we least expect it and when we are self-fulfilled so I’d say just keep focusing on your own happiness.

Might be hard to find a man with $1.3 mil net worth at your youthful age but there’s definitely plenty of attractive men who make that salary.

Maybe don’t focus on them being better financially than you, but just in a good spot.

[Sonya]

You’re super ahead of the curve! Is it absolutely necessary for the guy you’re with to have a higher net worth right now? “Better” can mean different things – clarity on career, ambition, net worth.

A medical doctor likely is just getting started in their 30’s, earning very little, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

Would that mean that they are doing “worse” than you are?

It may be helpful to clearly define what “better” looks like for you, and to understand what values you want.

If it’s just net worth, it’s unlikely that many guys in SD are where you are at 32.

Bay Area or NY, maybe. If you’re open to dating someone who is older (40’s), more likely.

Get clear on what matters to you and why and start from there.

[Panich]

1. you’re doing great
2. the boys can’t catch up
3. wanting someone who makes more and looks attractive is simple math 2/10 (odds of a good looking guy you want) x 9/100 (your net worth percentile) = 1.8%? maybe? and now the guy has to like you back.

we need to play with the formula somehow

[Pani]

Find someone who has similar goals and values who you can laugh and have fun with, which will make them instantly more attractive.

Laughter is worth a lot .., it’s priceless.

It’s ok if you are making more — as long as he is doing well and you are like-minded people, you can make a great team.

[Anna]

I would say it’s going to take longer and be a bit of a numbers game. So, I imagine you’ll need to be very patient and decisive.

A numbers game.. I’d go on dates/talk with people you find attractive and just be very clear and quick if they aren’t close to able to meet you where you are at.

[Brian]

Throw away your checklist and it gets easier. Narrow it down to two, choose one and be done.

Don’t make life harder than it needs to be.

But yeah, it’s a tough market – I got married late 30’s

[Vent]

You need to find another like you, that’s where I’m at. Very difficult specially in ages 40-50, but I think at your age, the peak earning years are still coming so even if he isn’t at your level he can get there.

Don’t lose hope and don’t settle because you feel desperate.

I did that once and ended up with a narcissist and now that’s the worst thing that can happen to you.

Congratulations, you are killing it.

[Linda]

Looks fade. I’d take a kind capable and stable person over a hot trainwreck any day if you can’t find both.

The other thing is someone can become more attractive if you have a connection and experiences built together.

Thats what maintains the relationship over the years.

[Marie]

Following. I’m 34, conventionally attractivene, also ready to fully FiRe in approx. 10 years and even considering guys up to +10, +15 years my age, I don’t meet ones that have their shit together or can talk finance without getting spooked.

Or, if older/career-oriented, don’t want me to drop whatever I’m doing to help them build their very vague dreams instead of going on and finalizing mine (FiRe)…

I wish I had some useful advice, but I can only empathise, as it’s similarly shitty elsewhere as well…

Best of luck to you!

[Author]

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