[USER]

Just word of advice. I semiretired early and am spending more time at home the last 2 years.

My spouse, a stay at home Mom, just informed me I’m home too much and I should probably work more. We’re doing fine financially.

I believe she despises me being home and invading her space and time.

What should I do?

[Shannon]

Does your semi retirement also mean semi retirement for her? If not, why not?

[Brandi]

If you’re home more, spend more time helping out. It seems like maybe she feels like you’re home more but she’s doing more.

Just because you retire from a job doesn’t mean you retire from parenting.

Definitely communicate with her. Just ask. And if you share in the work, things should be fine!

[Hannah]

Tell your spouse to take herself to a nice lunch and pedicure while you take care of the household

[Sophie]

Are you helping around the house? Are you helping with the kids? How are you spending your time at home?

How is she spending her time at home?

[Agnès]

Help her around the house, with the kids. Offer to babysit the kids while she goes out and take care of herself.

That might change things.

[Meghan]

Let me tell you something about wives. We don’t love to see our husbands sitting around like blobs.

If you’re not gonna be in your masculine energy, and take care of business around the house then get out of the house.

We don’t want to watch you turn into the grandpa from Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory.

It’s not a turn on.

[Katie]

You should talk to your wife more. Watch the documentary Fair Play and see if any of it rings true to things your wife has said or done.

Relationship fairness has to do with each partner having a similar amount of free time and now that you aren’t working full time, it probably requires a reevaluation of who owns which tasks.

[Jill]

She’s used to you not being there. Give her some time back. As much as I love my husband not working full time anymore, I am so used to working from home alone that it’s nice when he leaves too.

[Meghan]

Hobby? Volunteer somewhere? Garden? Go on long walks? Find something you can do together?

Make sure she has time to do her work (or learn to help her with it) and also time alone.

Moms of kids often have very little personal time, my husband works from home as well and I love the days I have the house to myself to do my work with a ridiculous movie playing or whatever.

[Dave]

A stay at home mom? Do you consider yourself a stay at home dad? What do you do when home?

[Kris]

Be less annoying? But seriously, ask her what you can do to make it better for her and give her the space she needs.

[Bonnie]

I have the same situation with my husband who retired last year. I do work from home and his constantly being around makes it difficult to concentrate, but beyond that I just miss having the house to myself and I just freaking want to be alone sometimes.

He does find ways to get out, he’s joined a few social groups, he goes to the gym, and he spends a solid full day grocery shopping and driving all over town to find all the sales.

He’s also looking at getting a part time job at a winery which will help and is something he thinks he will enjoy.

[Jim]

Sounds like you retired and she is still a full time homemaker.

Try giving her some days off while you handle the kids the cooking and the cleaning and I’d bet she starts to feel better about you being semi retired.

[Dara]

Sounds like she wants her space she’s always had which is understandable. Find more to do away from home.

Pick up some new hobbies, include the kids in activities so she has some time off.

Parks, fishing, bike riding, museums, nature hikes, kayaking etc. Every day or every month or 2 try something new.

Check out sports you used to like, join a bowling league, a mens church group, baseball, fishing, golf, cornhole etc.

[Schlegel]

She is probably used to be by herself all this time! I don’t think she despise you at all. It’s a change in dynamic.

I worked 20 years in healthcare, I started working from home so I cook, work and clean but my husband come home multiple times during the day and interrupt me all the time (we have our own business so we all work from home)!

He loves having me home BUT I need my space…if he said “Bye I love you” in the morning in my mind he is gone for at least 3 hours and I am always postponing things to do until he is gone and my kids go to school.

But he coming back after 30 minutes when I was trying to recover from the morning schedule then saying Bye multiple times it drives me nut! I can’t get anything done with the constant interruption.

Stay home moms are the same. You guys need to figure what time you can spend together, breakfast together, working out alone, reading alone, etc

When I go for my evening walk my husband wants to join me and I said no because that’s the only time I can take care of my mental health, to listen to the birds, to be in the nature in silence, etc
We are talking ALL the time…I need my alone time

[Mar]

For your wife, her 8-10 hours while you’re outside the home is her time to work on her own stuff.

She will now need to split her focus at home (in addition to the kids) to you as well.

She recommend you to find alternative to fill your 8-10 hours.

[Shannon]

How old are your kids? Are your helping?
I’ve been a wfh mom, and the kid is in college now. It was an adjustment for us to both be wfh.

She values her down time, and you’re impeding on it.

Help, find a hobby.

[Cheryl]

What are you doing with your time? If she’s a SAHM with small kids, she definitely has a job to do. Are you splitting those tasks with her?

Does she get to retire, too?

I’m guessing that what’s happening at home isn’t equitable and that you are making her job harder rather than easier.

[Stacey]

My husband has semi-retired. And our marriage is 100% OK.
But him puttering around the house can drive me crazy.

When I was home by myself, I had a routine. And on the days he is home my routine is off.

I also value my alone time. And I used to have enough, now sometimes I feel I have hardly any.

It has been an adjustment, but yes sometimes I tell him he needs to find something productive to do.

[Frank]

Get a bigger house, slug.
Query, what are you actually doing there? If it’s just watching TV and stuff on the internet and not cleaning anything or cooking, you need to get out more.

You will get the most bang for your hour if this involves physical exercise and/or volunteering at something you find meaningful.

[Author]

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