[USER]

Wanted to share our recent journey and if anyone has advice, I am open. We had to send our adult child to a duel dx rehab due to cannibis induced psychosis.

Had several psych admissions with staff saying this is a tough case and our child will never be productive or work.

Child refused rehab at d/c. We hired an interventionist and sent him accoss the country to get help. Amazing how this kid is almost back to baseline off weed. We couldnt have done this without help as we tried for years.

Currently thriving with mental clarity (sober) and working for the first time in years and thinking of finishing college.

The cost has wiped out our taxable accounts since the cost of supportive sober living and residential is not 100% covered and we planned a year in treatment.

Current situation heavy in tax deferred and minmal taxable left.

Cut back deferrals so we can build cash. We live in low to MCOL area, two incomes though not high. We realize now child may continue to need our finanacial support as long as they stay sober and continue on a good path.

Sharing to let you know that we thought we had all planned perfect and these medical bills side railed us.

A good reminder that a larger taxable account is so important to have access to funds. Any suggestions of things we need to think about financially to get back on track. Any insight appreciated.

Really need financial type resources. We also realize we cant support financially at this level forever.

Thanks in advance and im hopeful you all dont ever have to deal with this.

[Amanda]

529 Able account?
Look into disability waiver programs in your state.

Ours will help our autistic kids with independent living and finding work and training appropriate for their abilities – although it sounds kids your son can be much more functional.

[Erica]

Your child could check out Augsburg College in Minnesota for their Step Up program for adults that want sober living experience.

Lots of Hazeldon patients end up there.

They may have ideas or support for post-college as well.

[Andrea]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. As the parent of a young adult with SMH (serious mental health) diagnoses I feel your pain.

We have spent out of pocket max the last several years for his healthcare (and ours!) and are aware that if we needed to help support a full rehab program we wouldn’t be able to afford it without really affecting our future plans. Tough tough decisions to make.

My heart hurts for you as we understand the sacrifice you are making. Just remember that you didn’t cause this, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it.

But I know your child is lucky to have you as their parents. Sending well wishes to everyone in your family.

[Courtney]

I’m really sorry you have this challenge. Two of my boy’s had these struggles, now one is a LPC therapist in a residential treatment center.

We have six adult children. One with autism that we subsidize and the others have needed help. My parents have also needed help.

What I have done is allocated “retirement” funds that don’t get touched and then a dedicated amount that we can help with. Having dedicated amount helps me sleep knowing I am not risking our future.

My husband and I have an agreement that we won’t let them be hungry or homeless, we do what we can if they are helping themselves also. We try not to interfere when a consequence is needed.

We want them to survive and thrive but also don’t save them from every natural consequence if it’s something that can be a learning experience.

[Julie]

Thanks for sharing and glad your child is on a better path. So helpful to let others who have FIRE calculators that life can throw unexpected curveballs (pricey) that weren’t factored into the classic ‘FIRE numbers’.

Best of luck – and you can be proud you helped your child.

[Norah]

Medical costs once over 11 percent of your income becomes tax deductible and you may be able to get a refund.

I appreciate your story and sharing, people first!

[Endri]

I am sorry you have to deal with this. It seems extremely hard to go through but also, you had worked hard enough to have money on your brokerage account to serve you.

And this is the best use of money before FI. It doesn’t make you happy but it can help to make you less unhappy.

It seems like you do have a plan but you just have to be patient, keep investing more in brokerage now after you have amassed a sizable emergency fund, that’s probably bigger than what other families would need.

Do have conversations with your son, in not a blaming way or to make him feel guilty, but let him know and get him involved in your finances/dreams/goals.

I think that would be extra motivation for him not to try weed again. Excuse me here as I have no experience with former addiction.

Now, you need hope and patience. You have been in fight or flight mode for so long that you may have not realized that you can relax now.

The unimaginable is very unlikely to happen again, be very hopeful.

[Frank]

Does your son qualify for SSI? It sounds like he probably does and should apply for it. I had a brother who struggled with schizophrenia for many years that was originally set off by marijuana usage, but nobody knew how that worked at the time.

You are correct that you will run out of money and/or will not be able to retire if you try to fix this problem and your son is not cooperative.

That is what happened to my parents (I also have a disabled sister).

It is better to get him into community or state run programs sooner rather than later.

[Maya]

Thanks for sharing your struggles and life lesson. It’s good that you were prepared with a regular investment acct.

An HSA acct would be helpful to have to save fore future medical circumstances.

[Gretchen]

My son was 22 when he was in crisis and I realized he was never going to be able to live independently. I remember thinking that I cannot let him pull me under because then I’m of no use and we’re both sunk.

He’s 35 now, doesn’t work, lives with me, and is happy and stable.

I had to adjust my FI number and I’m not living the life I once envisioned but this life is actually better – I know I have never let him down.

So, no advice, just wanted to say it can get better.

[Author]

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