[USER]

My ex-wife and I divorced 4 1/2 years ago when our kiddo was 11, she’s now almost 16 and I gave her a $100,000 credit in child support which was more than enough to support our child until she turned 18.

The source of the credit wasn’t specified In the decree but instead of taking $200,000 of our $400,000 (community funds) 401(k), I only took $100,000 and it was implied that’s where the cash/ credit came from…the 401ks.

My ex has violated a court order by moving our child out of state to pursue a second doctorate degree.

She’s hired and attorney who filed several motions, including child support payments to be reinstated and that she be back-paid child support for the last 4.5 years (approximately $60,000).

I had poor representation during my divorce and my current attorney says she has a good chance of being awarded the support via lump sum, plus child support for the next 2 1/2 years.

I’m trying to plan for the inevitable lump sum payment, as nothing In this divorce had gone in my favor. I’m still fairly new to the FI but here are my holdings;

$84,000 in a taxable brokerage
$25,000 in a traditional IRA
$4,000 in a SEP IRA
$14,000 in a Roth IRA
$16,000 In a 401k
I only keep about $2,000- $4000 in savings at any time.
My home is 3/4 paid off, and has over $300,000 of equity. However, my interest rate is 3.5% fixed.

I do have a car that I’ve been building (and just finished) that I could probably get $80,000 but that would have to be the worse case scenario as racing is my passion.

What would you do? Just sell the car and move on? Sell off $60k of shares from the brokerage account?

[Julie]

Moving your child out of state seems like a pretty big violation to me.

Not an attorney but I guess I’m surprised that she could do that and increase your child support.

[Seibert]

Do not deem anything I say as legal advice: Please consult an attorney

I would fight custody. If you still live in the state and you did not consent to this move, then you will more than likely win custody. Especially if you had shared custody.

If you did not have clearly know writing the credit for “child support” you may end up owing. And the fatal flaw in this is that the money wasn’t accessible.

If you had written a check for $100,000 (with the note child support + extra) you’d be covered. Unless somewhere it’s stipulated that the 401K share was $200k/$200k and you left $100k for future support, you’re SOL on getting that money.

It doesn’t really matter what your assets are…. You pay based on income.

You should also indicate what state you are in and what state she moved to and when.

[Amy]

I’m confused. You say you gave her $100,000 in child support. Was there a legal document, usually a settlement agreement?

I thought once there is an agreement that the spouse can’t go back for more?

As for child support, it used to be that financials (both) were given to calculate incomes and costs to get a fair amount, and if motion for increase was made then both resubmit the same information.

I would be standing firm on the fact that she violated the agreement and relocated your child, prohibiting you from fair parent time.

I believe in paying a fair amount for child suppoort but seems you did and now sadly lost visitations, judges don’t like that.

Not legal advice!

[Jade]

You need to show receipts. Hopefully everything was logged correctly and you can prove that the money sent before was child support.

[Carrie]

To your original question – I would get a HELOC ready and I’d take the 60k from that if need be.

Pay it off either from income or liquidating brokerage when timing is right depending on tax situation & what court orders you to pay for the future.

Good luck!

[Carolyn]

Your ex’s case rests on two things:
• The original agreement wasn’t clear about the $100K credit — if it didn’t explicitly count as pre-paid child support, the court might not honor it as such.

• Child support is the child’s right, not the parent’s, and courts often lean toward ensuring the child wasn’t under-supported.

However:
• You did give up half of a $200K 401(k) — and if your attorney can show it was understood or implied that this was in lieu of child support, you might be able to defend against back-pay.

• Your attorney should argue this was a lump-sum prepayment, not a failure to pay.

Bottom line: Your ex has a case — especially with a savvy attorney — but you do too, especially if your current lawyer can make a clear connection between the asset division and support offset.

[Annie]

I think more details is really needed to further help. There is no allocation shared on what she received for the split so people are going to fixate on that.

Typically paying in advance for child support isn’t done, so that is also unique here.

Without more information, as to age of child during decision and when the divorce happened. There is to much confusion.

I’m sorry for your situation, I wish you the best.

[Sarah]

Unless you live in a LCOL area, and your kid was at least 13 when you divorced, you live in a fantasy world that $100,000 is enough to raise a child today.

There’s basic housing, food, medical and dental care, then add in clothes (kids grow), all of the extras that every school charges – I had to buy my son a new tux every year for concert band, add in music lessons and the instruments, computers, car and insurance, etc., and that’s all before college.

My son was fine with sale clothing, a basic car and he worked every summer from 8th grade on, saving $10,000 for college, so I’m not talking about anything extravagant.

[Ashley]

While it sucks – and I hope you can prove she got that as part of child support etc and maybe file for custody since she moved?

But my advice is also take into account how much lawyer will cost as you could end up paying just as much in fees as what she will get.

I had to do this myself and paid for about 15k in stuff for my kid instead of paying a lawyer to get it

Here I am 10 years later still in court as he argues it all and I would rather argue custody and what is right for my kid then $

[Amanda]

Holes: When did she move with the child? When did you last have custody of the child? Why didn’t you bring up her breaking the court order when she moved?

Did you agree to the move? Child support changes depending on wages so I’m curious how $100k would work.

Also, you’d typically owe a percentage of medical costs, incidentals extracurricular activities etc… depending on the age of the child 100k isn’t much.

There are lots of questions here that really point to the fact we don’t have the whole story

[Stefanie]

Get a DAMN good attorney and get custody
When she moved she f’d UP.

Do NOT file where she lives

[Jess]

It won’t let me reply as anon, so I’ll be leaving quite a lot out, but it doesn’t really matter if she violated a court order unless you’re willing to spend tons of $, time, and sanity pursuing it.

Oh, AND if the judge will side with you.

Both my husband and I have dealt with this on many levels and personally we choose the following: #1 our children’s mental health, and #2 our own.

Sometimes the fight isn’t the answer, just keep that in mind.

[Cheryl]

I’m a little confused as to how you decided that $100k would cover child support through 18 and that you could just “prepay” it without some kind of agreement.

Especially because you say that you gave $20k more than was required and you say that backpay for 4.5 years would be approximately $60k.

That math isn’t mathing and child support doesn’t typically work that way. Nothing, financial or otherwise, is implied in a divorce or custody case.

That issue, though, is separate from her move. It seems you’re leaving out important information if your current attorney is telling you that she is likely to win.

The story here isn’t adding up across the board. What are you leaving out?

[Liz]

Are you saying that the way you paid child support was by leaving $100,000 for her in a retirement account?

What was the mechanism by which she was supposed to access that for current needs?

Are you able to set up a payment plan for back- due support and spread payments out over time instead of lump sum?

I would personally opt for that if it’s an option

[Melissa]

Per the eyes of most states ~ the documented decree is the legal source. I would not recommend paying yet another attorney to fight over undocumented 401 split.

Best interest for you & your child is to reprocess incomes between the two parents and pay child support.

Ask for more quality time with your child. Every other month you take responsibility to fly or drive to child for a long third weekend?

And every other month the mother has financial responsibility of flying with or driving child to your state for long weekend. Ask for two – three weeks each summer at your home.

Have the new parenting plan adjust for your coverage of healthcare insurance. Not many weekends in a child’s childhood.

These are much more valuable than continually throwing money at a race car.

That time will be here before you know it.

I have never heard any parent regret the quality memories they have made with their child/children.

[Dawn]

Why don’t you fight for custody for the child to keep them in the their environmental (high school, friend group, etc).

If you are still living in the area?

I have see a-lot of married families split do to job moves just to keep the kid in “their” high school or JR

[Cathy]

NC is a 50-50 state. I’m not seeing where she got half of the assets so you must be in a different state.

I suppose there is more to the story but $100,000 “credit” for child support doesn’t really say what her part of the marital assets were.

Or was the promised large child support Amt supposed to negate that?

And it sounds like her people are kinda thinking that as well?

[Annie]

In my state, child support and custody are 2 unrelated issues unless the parents have 50/50 custody. There are documents that must be filed to establish child support.

Every child has the right to be supported by both parents, so the courts must document that both parents are in compliance before the divorce is final.

Most parents have a “child support order” and they pay a specific amount periodically for the child.

since you did not have that, there would have had to have been a document filed to show that you had paid the child support in a lump sum and instead.

Find out how that $100K was documented.

Most states, even backwards Alabama, have laws that prevent one parent from taking the child away from the other parent geographically.

Check into your state and find out what the law is, what not notification she was required to give, and how she has broken that law.

In my state, the custodial parent has to give written notice 60 days before they plan to move. This gives the noncustodial parent a chance to disagree and take them to court.

If a custodial parent does not give notice and the non-custodial takes them to court, the common remedy is toward custody to the noncustodial parent.

If you are paying a lawyer, then please ask them some questions. Where did the $100,000 get documented in the original divorce?

What is the law for child relocation in your state?

[Author]

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