[Lyn]

Ok my frugal fanatics I need your help!!
I have an 18 year old son that doesn’t care about throwing money away and it drives me nuts!

So he bought a phone charger and it didn’t work for his phone , he didn’t save receipt or take it back even though I told him to.

Then he buys a second one, it worked for a little while and now doesn’t (it’s like 2 weeks old) I told him the same thing, take it back.

He just doesn’t care, go buy a new one.

He also was caught doing online gambling throwing money away and then also got scammed on line by a “girl” and wasted close to 1,000!!!

We discovered it because he was going to buy a truck and we went over his bills and expenses to figure out if he could afford it and I saw all the withdraws!

His dad and I are both very money conscious and we plan for future expenses.

He does not care!!! Help!!!

[Callie]

What bill(s) is he responsible for? No matter how much good advice my mom gave me, I didn’t care about money until it was my own.

[Tammy]

Charge him rent. My father inlaw charged my husband rent and then gave it all back on his wedding day for a down pymnt on a house.

[Helen]

Mercy! I’d be beside myself. Until he’s in pain, he won’t change. Callie Rose is correct.

Had a high school student ask me within first month of his first part time job why he never cared about asking his mother for a $150 pair of sneakers?

I laughed and said because you now understand how many hours you have to work to pay for them. At the time minimum wages were just over $5 an hour!

That boy became a young man who started a successful business in his mid-20s; he learned to manage his finances.

[Chris]

Where does he get the money for these things? If he’s earning it himself, there’s nothing you can do beyond offering him advice.

If he’s getting that money from you, then just cut him off.

For his own good.

[Emily]

He needs to suffer consequences for his bad choices. Mom, don’t be a fixer. And he needs firm responsibility to meet.

Maybe I am wrong, but it sounds like he has few responsibilities that will have consequences if he shirks his responsibilities.

He needs to be in the real world and not protected.

That’s the only way he will learn to protect himself

[Lauren]

You can tell him until you’re blue in the face but I’m thinking that’s something he’s going to have to learn on his own once he runs into real financial issues

[Ella]

Tell him it’s time to make an appointment with an investment office for a free life finance consultation.

Let them know ahead of time about his disrespect & home needing reading suggestions, budget practices, compound interest, etc… And make sure he has chore responsibilities around the house.

Wish it was a mandatory subject in high school. Good luck.

[Rachae]

Have him complete a (non negotiable) financial class/program and then let him make some mistakes and independent choices.

Better for him to learn these lessons with a bit of a safety net than when the stakes are higher.

It will save your sanity and teach him consequences.

[Kimberly]

Is he an 18 year old student living on mom & dad’s money or is he working full-time, no school? As an adult if he’s done with school he should be paying rent.

He should pay for his own phone.

He should also be saving for his own truck. It doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for how he’s spending his money.

If you want to help him let him learn all the lessons that come with money. Including wasting it.

[April]

He’s 18. Is he still in school? If not, time to start charging him rent/expenses. Is this money from a job or are you handing it to him?

If he’s earning it, it’s his money to blow BUT make him responsible for any extras he thinks he needs.

Has a good pair of shoes but wants another? He buys them. Doesn’t want the dinner you made? Cook with his own groceries.

I admit I buy my kids way too much and no matter what you do it really can go either way.

I have 1 who spends as soon as she has it, doesn’t even really matter on what BUT she’s 9.

My other 3 consist of 2 savers and 1 who saves for a specific something and then spends.

They’re 22, 12 and 15 respectively. Bottom line though, if you bail him out, stop.

He won’t learn if he always has you to fall back on, instead he’ll just expect it.

[Rita]

Get him a Dave Ramsey course.
Charge him rent.
Make him pay for food.

Give him mandatory daily chores as he will have to maintain an apartment.

Evict him. May be tough but it’s the only way he will learn.

[Sara]

Don’t cosign the truck, and don’t pay for his insurance, gas or repairs. It sounds like you might be tempted to do some of that.

But don’t do it.

[Lois]

Boy. Hard to know what is going on in his mind.
This will not end well if you all enable him.
My question is… does he earn his own money?

Are you subsidizing him?
What are his consequences??

If he’s earning his own money and living at home, charge him rent like others have suggested.

Do NOT help him buy a truck or co-sign.
Get him a bus pass.

Don’t buy him expensive items he can sell.
Get on the same page with your spouse and tighten up the ship.

[Sarita]

He’s an adult, right? All you can do is give him tips. If he disregards the tip/advice that’s on him.

As a parent of adult children, your job now is to let your child reap the results of their own decisions.

You are no longer responsible for his debts, nor should you in any way obligate yourself for his debts–co-signing loans or anything else as it will only enable him to continue being irresponsible with $$.

He should be well into paying his own way–especially if he’s out of high school.

[Trish]

Your plea for help is brave. Consider your role in this behavior and make a change.

You can’t change him but you can change yours… and you know already what that is.

[Rona]

Sometimes they just have to learn the hard way. Don’t supplement him financially at all. Let him get his bills in his name so you don’t feel pressured to cover things.

If he asks a firm no.

If he is out of school charge him a small rent. You can save it to give to him later if he ever gets responsible if you so choose.

Sometimes you can talk talk talk but they need to hit that big bump in the road to get it together.

[Sarita]

Everybody that blames it on his not totally developed brain. 17-18 yo have been in the military for decades.

They become disciplined, responsible and accountable. How is that?

They are expected to be so and held accountable if they are not.

Works wonderfully!

[Tami]

Life lesson. You can’t care more about someone’s decisions than they do.

Of course try and educate them. Just remember. His choices won’t bother him until they bother him.

[Molly]

If he’s still in school, stop giving him any money. He gets food and a roof over his head, nothing else.

If he’s done with school, don’t even charge him rent, give him 4 weeks to be out of the house and on his own.

Don’t give him a penny or co-sign anything with him. He’s proven he can’t manage his money, so you co-signing anything means you’re paying all of the bills.

ETA: If he’s working and making his own money, it’s his to spend however he wants without you saying anything, unless he asks. But you shouldn’t be contributing to his finances at all.

Don’t buy him groceries or give him your old towels and sheets. It’s his responsibility to buy now.

[Aron]

Their frontal lobes are not even developed yet so don’t stress too much. Like you said, its his money. As long as he is paying rent, try to ignore it as much as possible..

it’s good that you have him paying his own bills! Natural consequences are usually the best learning tool!

Do not bail him out, if he gets over his head he’ll have to get 2 jobs and figure it out!

[Darla]

Does he have any investments?
My daughters, 26 and 23, love to see their investments grow.
We taught them to make their money work FOR them.

While we caution the expense side, as well, through budgeting, we also wanted them to get the most out of time.

Both began working before 16. Half of their money earned was invested in various ways.

The other half they could spend on their monthly expenses and fun activities of their choice.

[Author]

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