[USER]

Gifts from parent…dilemma. My sister has always struggled financially. My mom over the years has given her upwards of 50k+ for a down payment on her house, etc.

I have never asked for, or accepted any money from my mom as an adult because my husband and I are comfortable and doing well for ourselves, we don’t need any financial support.

My mom for years has felt guilty over this even after I tell her not to.

There is no jealousy from my end. I recently purchased a cabin and my mom wrote me a check for 10k insisting I accept it and it would make her feel better.

My mom is not a millionaire, she needs the money for retirement. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to take her money.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[Rosa]

Take and invest it. Use it later to help your mom.

[Lacey]

Her giving that to you is more about her than about you. She wants to give this to you because it makes her feel good, and because she is obviously a sweetheart.

Accept it to give her the peace and good feels she wants to experience.
Later, you can find ways to pay it forward to her.

Maybe that looks like taking her on a vacation, or hanging onto it and jumping in if she ever needs help later.

[Stefanie]

Do not deny a giver of a blessing. Invest and return as she needs it

[Rhonda]

Yes, when she gifts us money, we put back into our HYSA and keep it ear-marked for anything she might need in the future.

[Angela]

Put it in a HYSA so it can earn interest and it’s there for sure when she needs it

[Elizabeth]

Put it in a CD for a few years, use the money to take mama for a getaway spa retreat

[Linda]

This is what my mom does and I slowly give it back to her & she accepts it.

It’s the cycle of back & forth money since I know she needs it more than me.

[Teresa]

We got a couple thousand from our Mom when she was blowing through an unexpected inheritance she got. We put it in CDs and saved it for years and when she passed we had just enough to cover her funeral expenses.

I say if you don’t need it and you think she might later on, put it in a safe investment. She doesn’t need to know.

[Benjamin]

This is a delicate situation that involves both family dynamics and long-term financial planning. Here are some ideas to consider:

1. Express Gratitude and Concern:
Begin by acknowledging your mom’s generosity and care. Let her know you appreciate her willingness to help, but gently explain that you’re in a good financial position and that you’d prefer she keep her money for her own retirement security.

For example, you might say, “Mom, I’m really touched by your support, but I’m comfortable right now and I worry about you having enough for your future.”

2. Discuss Long-Term Priorities:
Explain that because you know she’s not a millionaire and needs to plan for retirement, accepting extra funds might not be in her best interest.

You could suggest that her hard-earned money would be better used for her own retirement savings or other personal goals.

Emphasize that your financial stability is not a reflection of a lack of need or gratitude, but rather a conscious decision based on your circumstances.

3. Suggest Alternative Ways to Show Love:
If your mom feels that giving you money is her way of expressing care, perhaps propose an alternative.

For instance, you could suggest spending quality time together, enjoying a family trip, or even setting up a small fund for a shared experience that everyone can benefit from.

This way, her generosity is still expressed without affecting her retirement savings.

4. Consider a Joint Family Discussion:
Since your sister has also received significant help in the past, it might help to have an open family conversation about how to manage these gifts fairly and in a way that supports everyone’s long-term well-being.

This can help reduce any feelings of guilt or imbalance that might be affecting your mom.

5. Be Firm but Kind:
It’s important to be clear about your boundaries while still showing appreciation. If you truly don’t need the money, a respectful and heartfelt refusal is often the best route. You might say, “I really appreciate your support, but I don’t need this money right now.

It would mean a lot to me if you kept it for your future.”

Ultimately, your goal is to protect your mom’s financial security while affirming your own independence.

A thoughtful, honest conversation can help all parties understand each other’s perspectives and find a balance that honors both your needs and hers.

[Mel]

If you take her money to help her feel better, save it for a rainy day for her or use it to buy things for her so she doesn’t have to?

Or treat her to a vacation or something she wouldn’t do for herself.

[Liberty]

I would take it, invest it, or put it in a HYSA and use it for her in the future. If something comes up where she needs it, you know you already have it.

Or you want to do a little vacation and bring her, there it is.

[Michelle]

If she can afford it let her. She wants to and it will probably make her feel good to be able to do this for you.

[Vince]

You could always put it in a HYSA. Then if your mom needs help, you’ll be able to offer it back plus some to help her.

And if she doesn’t, then you’ve protected and grown the money for yourself

[Lisa]

take it. Also recommend reading the book Die with Zero, might give you a new perspective on your mom wanting to give you money vs saving for retirement.

[Michele]

If you think she’s going to need county assistance within five years, do some research. The five year look back is a thing.

Elder care is very expensive and you don’t want her getting rejected from aid due to giving money away inappropriately.

[Shelley]

One option is to accept the check but put it in a separate account and quietly set it aside for her. If she ever needs it in the future, you can give it back without making a big deal of it.

Another option is to accept it and use it for something meaningful that benefits the family, like home improvements at the cabin that she could enjoy, or even investing it in something that could grow and be available later if she needs help.

[Author]

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