[USER]

My partner and I grew up poor and the first to go to college in our families. After school we both got high paying jobs and were natural savers due to our upbringing. We hit our fire number at 35/36 respectively.

I decided to retire and decided I wanted to spend my retirement raising a child.

A couple years later we were able to have one child only. During the last 10 years since we hit fire we have been very active in the community.

Volunteering, organizing events in our neighborhood and taking a more active role in things that impact our community.

My partner has kept working since we needed health insurance for fertility but he took a lesser non stressful role.

We have watched the area change over the last 5 years.

The numbers of people who volunteer dropped to 1/3. We live outside Portland across the river in another state.

People don’t seem care about the community, are very aggressive towards each other and have this mob mentality where they gang up on a person or business and try to destroy them.

For example a franchisee who is a single mother who opened a business was boycotted and put out of business because the parent company send a letter to a new competitor saying they were infringing on copyright.

Another volunteer at one of the organizations I help with made an honest mistake and gave supplies to the wrong person and was shamed publicly and her life was practically destroyed.

I see it at my child’s school, in the neighborhood and during our interactions all day.

It’s this rugged individualism, selfish behavior where people can’t see how their actions affect others.

I see other cultures rally around each other when needed but here people think it’s someone else’s responsibility or they complain that someone else didn’t fix it.

There is an epidemic of being too busy and too stressed.

Most children at my child school are there from 7am to 4pm for before and after care then they are bused to another center where they stay to 6pm.

On weekend the children are all in activities so their schedule is packed. We feel disconnected because we live a slower life and don’t over schedule.

So here is my question. We want to know if there is a place on planet earth that doesn’t have a focus of rugged individualism, selfishness, where communities work together, people aren’t so busy, where they see an issue and fix it, where they care about the environment, enjoy parenting and help each other parent instead of just judging parenting styles, and genuinely care about their neighbors because they made the effort to get to know them.

A place that has less than average natural disasters and has public transport or a small village that’s walkable but I know that’s asking a lot.

Due to our cultural background we can live outside of the U.S., we are not religious and neither of us have any surviving family.

For reference we have 4.3 million. Please be kind with comments my tone might not come off with the right way as English is my second language.

[Rick]

What you mention sounds like much of rural America. Well outside what people are told that is.

And instead what it is.

[Brittany]

I just want to offer the perspective that you’re participating in the rugged individualism that causes people who aren’t so financially stable to be stressed/busy/run thin that leads to aggravation and aggression.

I understand the desire to leave but I wonder if there’s anything you can do in your hometown to help.

Open a meditation center, start a daycare cooperative, create a land trust, start a program teaching NVC to adults and kids, advocate for more affordable housing.

[Roxanne]

A lot of areas in the Midwest (US) are overall friendly. There is a joke about “Midwest nice” but it’s because it’s true.

It’s not perfect, but I think overall people tend to help strangers and be kind to their neighbors, as long as it’s reciprocated.

There isn’t a huge class division (like wealthy people and lower middle class all can get along well).

And, we don’t really have natural disasters often where I am in Wisconsin other than some bad thunderstorms with occasional tornado threat.

[Marika]

I’d leave the country if I could. It is getting increasingly individualistic and mean/less educated. There are always the countries named as having a lot of what you highlight–Denmark, Sweden.

I’ve been told Canada is changing, but I doubt it could get as bad as the US…at least I hope not.

[Lindsay]

I live and Portland and can absolutely understand what you mean! Rugged individualism. My partner and I are over it too and moving to France in a couple months.

Not perfect, but definitely a sense of solidarity among community.

[Katie]

Reading this made me a little bit emotional. I feel like so much of the United States is caught in this dark cloud of negativity.

We are leaving an island paradise after 3 years of alternative living and headed back to the DC Maryland hour for my husband’s last 4 years of military service.

My heart is so heavy with the acknowledgment that we have to expose our daughter to 4 years of the real world, all the ugly stuff.

Very much looking forward to the responses here.

My husband and I are hoping to be part of an intentional community of some kind where we foster that sense of humanism and community and common decency.

[Erin]

We are a homeschooling family in Australia, which was not in our plans. ESL and secular as well.

I’d recommend to research homeschooling communities/styles/activities as you could meet up with people living a slower life and design your lifestyle.

[Dave]

I don’t have any personal experience with the Portland area, but have heard and read it has changed significantly and for the worse as you describe.

Dual-income parents with over scheduled kids in school or activities 60 hours a week is pretty common. It’s an institutional mindset:

work, school, sports, band, possibly church, fast food, TV, sleep, rinse and repeat.

I think the ares of the country that would best meet your stated wants for community probably wouldn’t be desirable or welcoming to outsiders.

Poor rural areas or areas with cultures that emphasize a different way of life (amish, retirees, off-griders/homeschoolers, mormon areas, or “midwest nice.)

PS: I believe there is a community in Longmont Colorado focused on young retirees – Mr.

Money Mustache is the organizer.

[Nikki]

I moved from WA to TX 6 years ago and while I didn’t experience that level of viciousness in WA, my overall experience of people is Texas is so nice. People are just neighborly.

I live specifically in San Antonio, it’s big but genuinely still has its small feel in terms of how people are to each other.

My neighborhood in has a FB group where everyone looks out for lost packages, lost pets, people helped eachother get TP during COVID and other hard times, everyone is generally really nice and looks out for each other.

There’s a lot of moms in the neighborhood I’m in too, I don’t think you would get judged and could probably easily find other families with young kids that get together.

You’re welcome to message me if you want more Intel on the area, just also reply here so I know to check messages hope you can find what you’re looking for

[Lisah]

I know what you are seeking and it ain’t in the US – How about Finland, Norway? New Zealand. These are the happiest countries in the world.

Unsure of the natural disasters part.

[Emeline]

I think EU countries in general would reflect what you are looking for. Slower and less stressed lifestyles where people take the time to live, be together, enjoy the moment.

There is less emphasis on making money there, less consumerism.

I always feel a ton of relief when I go there. Maybe give it a try?

[Erin]

The US is the most individualistic culture in the world. If I’m understanding correctly, you’re seeking a more collectivist culture. Mexico and Canada are both mentioned by others.

They are more collectivist than the US. Asian countries lean collectivist too.

Costa Rica, Guatemala, Ecuador. You would also find this heavily in Sub-Saharan Africa- Kenya, Tanzania, Rwanda, Uganda.

I can’t speak to the part about infrastructure and natural disasters, but those would be some countries to explore if you were looking outwardly.

There are also other cultural values at play here. You mentioned time orientation and task commitments being prioritized over social commitments.

Maybe check out the book Expand Your Borders by Dr. David Livermore.

It expands upon the observations you’re making and describes other cultures broadly and lists some countries where you’re likely to find those values.

[Eri]

I’ve noticed this too which is sad. I’m an immigrant myself and all the values I thought I loved about America are disappearing and being replaced by more rugged individualism and a shift from the expectation of basic kindness from public/civil servants and regular people

[Charlotte]

We left an area like that and moved to the mid-west. It’s totally different (in a good way in our opinion) and we like it much better.

[Dawn]

I know Florida gets a bad rap, but I live in a modest neighborhood with a big cultural mix. We help each other every time a storm comes through.

I love Tampa and while we’ll slow travel for 10 years +/- when we FIRE, it will always be my home

[Author]

Posts