[USER]

Help me
Thank you all for the input and insight. I went to a lawyer and had a post nuptial agreement drawn up. Whats mine stays mine and whats his remains his.

Period! I received very helpful advice from my lawyer.

Plus she’s a divorce lawyer as well so if things dont work out I’m good.

Yes the money from the sale of my home is in my name as are my own monies from work amd my savings account.

We have a small joint account we have been contributing to, me much more than him, which was opened with money we got for our wedding.

We WERE planning to go to Hawaii with that fund but he has only contributed about $500 to my $3500 since December.

He made $110k last year. I have transferred all of MY contributions to my personal account that he does not have access to. Going to call a lawyer tomorrow to see what I need to do.

I recently (November 2024) married a man I went to high school with.

He hid his debt from me…he has a monthly mortgage over $2k, car note $600, debt consolidation payment $700, rent to own payment on a shed & carport, paying on new windows & doors ($20k) that he bought after the home was purchased and more than TEN credit cards and accounts that are nearly maxed out.

Apparently all of this debt has accumulated since his divorce 5 years ago as well as him blowing through his $12k in savings.

He makes good money and draws partial retirement from a previous job.

Total monthly income is about $6500 but he is sinking fast. Honestly I wouldn’t have married him if I knew about this tremendous amount of debt. I do love him but I’m scared.

I sold my home and moved in with him. Home is in his name as are all of the accounts. All I can think is if something happens to him and he can’t work what the hell do I do?

We are both 55+ and no chance of retirement in the foreseeable future. I’m terrified

Please no bashing…I am genuinely scared. I recently crawled up from a mountain of debt myself and I know how he feels. I’m just overwhelmed right now.

[Melissa]

I hope if you made any profit from selling your home you have it in your own account!

I would offer to help him get on a good budget and also pitch in money for the household bills/supplies according to your income.

It sounds like he is bringing in a decent amount of money just needs to learn to manage it better.

[Aaron]

Also, I hope your have your own account, that he can’t access with those house funds in.

[Kirsten]

Divorce or annulment does not mean you have to leave him but it protects you. If you do not choose those get a post nuptial asap.

Please understand that for him to hide this from you is betrayal.

It’s financial and emotional abuse.

I’m glad you reached out and I hope you take what eerie here is saying to hear and realize how serious of a situation this is.

[Marybeth]

Make sure all of your money is in a separate bank account that his name is NOT ON. meaning, do not co-mingle your funds, because then your money could be taken by him and you could do nothing about that.

If you have already co-mingled funds, move EXACTLY the amount of your funds to another account, preferably in another bank where he is not known.

[Candi]

Is he willing to do the very hard work to pay off the debt and regain your trust? If so, you can make a plan together (Dave Ramsey style) and pay it all off ASAP.

Then, move forward in peace.

It really all depends on his attitude now and how determined you both are to staying married.

[Cynthia]

I would ask a lawyer what my legal options are, financially. Protect your assets. I believe the debt he entered the marriage with are his own, not joint.

Good luck

[Ellen]

I’m so sorry, that sounds utterly devastating. Honestly, I would annul the marriage on grounds of fraud, move out, get your own place, have him fix his finances and THEN talk about a possible future.. maybe…

[Natalie]

Any debt after the marriage is shared debt but I’d talk to a lawyer who specializes in this bc they can help protect you from his debt he had before you two got married.

Especially if anything happens to him.

Good luck.

[Christine]

I say get an annulment, divorce, whatever. Assist him with bankruptcy and/or further debt consolidation. If you still want to be with him, pay half the mortgage/utilities.

You need a place to stay, right?! The money you pay for “rent” can pay his debt off faster?!

I hope the proceeds from selling your home is in an account with only your name?! Are you still working?

putting money into your retirement plan?

[Michelle]

My first gut response is: divorce. Too much baggage. Second thought is: Where is your proceeds from the house? Keep in your name only..

You said house and all this debt in his name only? Great! Do NOT mix finances with this guy…and stay together with him if you want and as long as he doesn’t try to rope you into helping him with his financial issues.

What is he willing to do to take care of all this and to manage things going forward? This is not your mess, it’s his…and not you’ve been swept up in his crap.

If you care about this more than he does, this is gonna really be a peoblem for you and your marriage. He has to be on same page.

Third thought is: act like you guys just came out of high school.

NO MORE BUYING THINGS…PERIOD. Cut up all the credit card. Get rid of the car payment and buy an old car. Then, pay only liability insurance. Analyze every line item of yorr budget.

Reduce spending everywhere. TV and other subscriptiOns, eating out,and any other non-NEED is gone.

Throw your money each month into paying that which had highest interest. Selling house would be a last resort, in my ipinion. It would just depend on the $ value, size, and interest rate (is it way more house than you need?

Then consider downsizing, use sale proceeds to wipe out debt Then rent and wait for right time to buy another place, if you choose to do so.

I do feel for you. Make the best decision for you. I’ll be hoping thinga work out for you

[Mary]

So sad to know someone would deceive you in such a way that could ruin your future also. Please seek the help of an attorney regarding an annulment before you lose any of your own chance of a secure future.

I would worry what else you don’t know.

This is a major act of dishonesty.

Not grounds for a good marriage.

[Caren]

Sit down & talk about it with him. He is probably ashamed of all this debt. He should sell car and get a 5-8k car, maybe even sell house & get a lower mortgage.

Tear up all CC except one.

Start the snowball pay down of credit.

Initially keep your money separate from his until he can manage better.

If he doesn’t then think about leaving.

[Author]

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