[USER]

Seeking Guidance & Mentorship on My FIRE Journey
Hi everyone, I’m a 67-year-old woman, married, with five adult children.

Four of them are married, financially independent, and I’m blessed with eight wonderful grandchildren.

However, one of my sons, who is 42 years old, is fully financially dependent on us. He has high-functioning autism, has never worked, and is unable to work.

My husband, who is 70, has been unwell for the past year. He is now wheelchair-bound, had to stop working, and has since retired.

One of my daughters has been successfully working toward FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) for the past five years. Inspired by her progress, I’m in the early stages of pursuing my own FIRE journey.

I wanted to share my current situation to seek feedback, advice, and mentorship from this amazing community.

CURRENT FINANCIAL SNAPSHOT
Brokerage Accounts:Roth IRA: $8K (invested in VTI)

Fidelity Investment Account: $14K (invested in VTI)
Betterment High-Yield Savings Account: $430K

Income:I earned $120K last year and hope to earn the same in 2025.

My husband currently receives $40K annually from Social Security.

Monthly Expenses:
We live in a very expensive city.Rent: $9K/month
Other expenses: $6K/month
Total monthly spending: $15K
Debt/Assets:We have no debt but also no significant assets beyond the investments mentioned above.

FINANCIAL GOALS
My primary goal is to generate income from investments.
Although I realize I’m starting this journey quite late, I’m eager to make progress and accelerate my path toward financial independence.

I’m seeking guidance on how to optimize my investments, improve my financial strategy, and make the most of the resources I have.

If anyone has advice, resources, or mentorship to offer, I would deeply appreciate your guidance and insights.

Thank you so much in advance for your support!

[Audrey]

Right now, you are spending 180k/ year and earning 160K. Thats unsustainable.

The main thing that jumped out is rent. Can you downsize or move, even a slight distance away, for lower housing costs.

You need to cut expenses, otherwise you will be on the treadmill forever.

Does your son qualify for any benefits (SSI, state programs) or do you qualify for any caregiver programs that may help boost income?

[Susan]

Your entire situation is unsustainable. You need to cut expenses significantly. You need to move somewhere less expensive either now or when you retire.

Assuming you get your SS @70, it won’t be anywhere close to $120k. So, then you’re ~ $100k short a year.

Why do you have so much in HYSA? Is this money to buy a home?

As things stand, you’ll be pulling from the HYSA every month to cover your expenses and it will quickly be depleted.

You need an entire shift in your financial plan.

[Lucy]

I’ll share this – while my parents earned a tiny tiny fraction of your salary they did own two small apartments that they bought for nothing but have since risen in value (NYC).

When my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer two years ago we did have resources to care for her but the homes disqualified mom from medicaid.

We had to go through a lot of hoops to figure out a way around this and in the end ended up hiring an estate planning and elder care attorney to help. The money was worth it.

I spent months trying to do it on my own. They figured out a way to get her care and we had to put homes in an irrevocable trust and dad had to sign a spousal refusal.

In the end she was able to get her facility stay covered and when the doctors could do nothing more Medicaid paid for at home aides to help us look after her as she transitioned from this life.

Obviously you’re not there yet but something to look into should things get difficult for your husband.

Each state has different rules.

They didn’t have investments so it was easier for them to qualify but an estate planning attorney consultation might not be a bad idea regardless to get your affairs in order – especially with five kids.

[David]

You HAVE to move. I wish I could put that another way, but I can’t. I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but we need to look at the big picture.

It appears your son is going to be dependent upon you to put a roof over his head indefinitely.

With that being the case, it’s imperative that you fix the hole in your budget now, not years down the line when you actually retire.

By that time it will be too late, as hundreds of thousands could have already flown out the door.

Not to be an alarmist, but this is a dire situation.

[Allison]

Does your son live with you? If so, are you taking advantage of programs that help financially to care for him?

Is there any way to decrease your rent payment and/or downsize?

Are you going to continue to rent when you retire and are you planning on living in the same are when you do?

I am thinking you need to decrease your expenses and increase your income.

[Robert]

Number one your entire situation is unsustainable; and I’m astonished you have not realized that as of yet. Your yearly income is 160 grand; but your yearly expenditures are 180 grand a year.

This is how we get to bankruptcy. At your ages; it seems that you’re combined savings are barely 450 grand- then again tens of millions of Americans are in much worse shape; if that’s of any consolation.

You said your primary goal is to generate income from investments; but with 450 grand, even if you’re getting 10% from those investments, that’s only 45 grand a year; which I suppose if you add to your 160k gross income at least puts you over and above your yearly expenditures of 180 grand.

You apparently own no property; so you’ll be paying rent for the rest of your lives unless you move in with one of your adult children.

My advice is as follows – immediately move out of your high cost area; find someplace in the United States, where you can live relatively inexpensively; (there are still a number of them out there) if your job enables you to work remotely, good for you; otherwise either find a remote job that will bring in income or find something you can do in your new location to bring in some kind of income, otherwise; start taking Social Security.

Your yearly expenses – in case you haven’t realized this – are strangling you; and you cannot stay where you are- unless you genuinely want insolvency in your future.

As far as your son is concerned; I’m assuming you have signed him up for every local, state, and federal source of assistance that there is; to have not done so is unexplainable to me.

You might also want to set up a special needs trust for him so whatever is left of your assets when you pass on go into that trust and it will not affect his eligibility for local, state, or federal benefits.

Yes; you’re able to retire; but I foresee a retirement that will be threadbare at best; unless you move in with one of your adult children; or unless there are substantial assets that you have not informed us about.

[Susan]

Where in the world are you living where rent for three people is $9k a month?? $9K? Jesus Lord. How big is this house??

What modifications?? This is absolutely insane to me!!

[Bub]

FIRE impossible with this sky high level of regular outgoings. Frugality or at the very least significantly fewer expenses that 15k a month which seems outrageous to me (and I’ve lived in some of the most expensive cities in the world).

[Steve]

How’s it possible to make $160K pretax and spend $180K post tax?

[Julia]

So, let me get this straight-there are 3 of you, each living in your own place? And 2 of you are not working, which means your husband and son don’t need to be close to a job.

I’d probably look at moving a bit farther out for yourself so you could commute to work, and having your husband and son (maybe in a single home with separate entrances?) even farther out of the city.

The cost for PT-is that per month?

I’m a PT in a HCOL area and 2k for out of pocket expenses is way more than most of my patients have to pay.

Is your husband on Medicare?

[Land]

One more thought-with such high living expenses, why not ask your FIRE daughter to help out with a budget review?

I know it would be tough love but it could be super helpful.

[Cheryl]

Congrats on your perseverance, raising 5 adults, and caring for your husband. You are a warrior woman in my book. Also, congrats on being willing to seek advice and keep open when considering your options.

You could have curled up in a ball while raising all those kids and the added caretaking.

If I were you I would

1) do everything to get ssi disability payments for your son (there are some rules about this if you have not had him officially diagnosed (see a special needs attorney and join groups for parents of adults with autism),

2) invest the amount in the HYSA minus what you need for an emergency fund (6 mo living expenses in your case since you’re the only source of a paycheck and real estate markets can turn down,

3) get on fire about reducing your expenses because due to your age and dependents the market may force you to retire earlier than you wanted.

Others here have been tough on you about the rent which is. It bad in NYC.

Can you possibly live outside of the city and still work in real estate by commuting in? And

4) I would be open with all your adult children about the financial situation you are in. Given your son with autism they need to know it’s possible they will need to support him the rest of his life.

I would be as open and brave with them about the numbers as you have been here.

Once you have been honest and show what you really doing to cut expenses and avail yourself of all help form the government, maybe you can talk to the 4 independent ones about each contributing a small set amount each month to an investment account in your name?

By seeing you are economizing and being resourceful to get government help your son is eligible for you are showing you care about their future possible burdens too and it could cause them to want to help, or at least feel safe that helping will make a difference. Wishing you all the best.

You are a warrior woman!

[Stacy]

You want to live off your investments… so even if you pooled everything into VTI you can get about an extra $20k a year.

[Lauren]

3 apartments for 3 people??!
I understand paying for the sons apartment (not really, but I get that he wants his own space, and family dynamics are all different)

Why do you need 2 more apartments after that? One for your husband, one for you? How come you and your husband can’t live together?

Wouldn’t it be cheaper to get a 1 bedroom apartment at this point, and have 1 person in the living room, 1 in bedroom?

Better yet, get a 2/3 bedroom and learn to live together.

Living like this will quickly bankrupt you. What are your plans for your son when you’re both gone?

[Bub]

Thanks for clarifying. 9k for three separate studios in Manhattan is excellent. I know I recommended frugality but there’s a reason rents are the highest in the places people most want to live.

Some people love FIRE, my heart wants it but my stingy ass wants to maximise income as much as I can while the going is good.

My folks are in India and if they hadn’t saved they would be killed with inflation 10x in the last few years.

Whatever you’re doing it’s not FIRE. It’s more like living in the best place and simultaneously maximising income and investments.

FIRE to my uneducated self is frugality, saving in index linked funds as a super safe option (which would be the top recommendation you probably might get asking a FIRE group for financial investment advice) and also Financial Independence retiring Early.

My best money advice is lose the debts (my energy with money changed completely when I cleared my debts and I fear debt so much now that I buy real estate in cash), read Richest Man in Babylon book, Vanguard pension, Vanguard index linked funds

[Author]

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