[Reagan]

Divorcing after 20 years…
I was in charge of the finances for 20 years. I didn’t make as much as my ex but I worked part time jobs, read, invested, did the work.

We are in the middle of divorce and I’m scared at starting with half and working my way back up.

Our net worth was 1.2 – I’m 42 yrs old and just nervous bc I only make 65k plus my monthly 2k from the VA. It’s going to take so long to retire now.

Anyone here have advice or personal stories to share on how to overcome this fear?

[Lisa]

Live on your $65 k and invest the $2k. Your lifestyle may have to downsize.

You just need to be a little more discerning, in planning for luxuries.

[Price]

I divorced around then too, lost about the same amount from the net worth that I had saved for us (he was a spender).

My financial recovery has been good because I control all the spending and saving now.

Your should get alimony at least, if not child support too. Make sure you get everything you are due.

Only hang onto the house if it’s a good investment and you can easily afford it.

If not, don’t let the sentiment for it drag your finances down. Better to move to a smaller, more affordable rental and save your money.

[Scott]

Once the past is settled will you then be able to focus on the future.

In the meantime, just take each day on its own.

[Tonia]

Well you definitely have a nice start when you get half of the net worth.

That’s more than most have saved up in a lifetime.

Find affordable housing, create a budget and live within your means.

[Jeff]

Honestly, $2k/month from the VA implies it is tax free disability pay.

With half, $600k, of the marriage assets plus that, assuming you plan for getting a reasonable amount of social security your probably looking at a $50+k/year safe spend rate if you quit working tomorrow.

If you control expenses and save/ invest responsibly, you’re likely already in a really, really good spot to still retire early.

[Grant]

You’ll have 600k plus your salary and VA money. You are just fine. Even without adding anymore, if that gets put into an and p index funds you’re looking at 2.5-3 mill by 60.

(18 years, doubling at least twice+a little if the market goes decently.).

So, you’ll have your SS whenever you want at 62+, plus your VA money that gets colas every year until then, plus at least 2 or so million by 60.

You’re going to be great.

[Anna]

As a mother of four boys who raised her children on her own, I can tell you I lived on a LOT less.

You can checkout my cover photo to see that mine are lacking nothing and contribute to society by coming from less.

I focused on emotional well/being & intelligence with my kids over material worth and goods.

The most precious and valued things seemingly have less monetary value in this world.

[Vietti]

divorced a month shy of 37. Net at that time was about $400k all in, which we split so I started at $200k. Was making $60k when we split.

No alimony for me as I was making more. Almost immediately got another job making $60k but $75-80k total including bonus and minimal OT.

At the same job now, 8 years later. Up to $105k now, fully salaried and including a bonus.

Just hit $1M net worth a couple months back before the stock market took another dive. $800k gain in 8 years.

I am a saver and I took advantage of tax advantages like maxing my retirement accounts. I do my own hair and my own nails.

Don’t travel because I got burned out doing it for work and just don’t want to now.

I spend about $40-45k to pay all bills and for spending and save all the rest.

I took advantage of things like the company ESPP program when I had it (ours was amazing and I made anywhere from $5-15k (??) profit each year).

Will be 45 in a few months and planning to retire fully within 5 years and probably go down to part time next year.

You can do it – just not if you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses. I have a nice home in a nice suburb and I did recently buy a new car when the old one was falling apart.

But my day to day life is pretty frugal.

Good luck.

[Alex]

I think you’re in a fairly good spot all things considered, best thing to do is budget.

And then determine if you can increase your income/figure out your timeline

[Natascha]

It’s going to be okay! Divorced mom of 4 at age 36 and had to split assets in half at that point.

At 42, I’ve now expanded my assets exponentially since the divorce!

No longer married to a spender and I found my success to increase once out of that toxic situation.

You got this!

[Tara]

I mean… I’m 44 and single and have saved and scrimped and climbed to have slightly less than half of what you will get in a divorce.

And most of us will not get $2k/month for life.

Not sure what you’re looking for here.

[Beth]

I am in the exact same boat; I am 42 with an elementary going kid, work from

Home, make about $95k, from same state and have been married for 15+ years. We have same net worth including real estate.

However, I don’t know about you, but my soon to be ex is super greedy with money and I had left the house with my kid to prevent her and I from toxic environment.

So not sure how it will go with division of assets and finances.

But one thing I will say it for sure, my kid and are at so much peace. We are actually loving our small, happy place.

Whatever the outcome will be for you, know that you are not alone.

[Susan]

I divorced. It won’t take you as long as you think to bounce back. Nothing wrong with “only” $65K.

I did it with about the same and retiring next month.

[Kane]

I got half but it’s the better half, cuz I got rid of the spender and the thief in the marriage.

So, with about $700k, I moved back to Asia and FIRE.

While he is back at accumulating credit card debts and has been staying in a hotel for last 5 months without a job!!

[Abigail]

I got divorced at the same age and at first freaked out. But then I got super intentional – read books, got good advice, created a budget and worked very hard to save, buy real estate, grow my business, etc.

It’s all very doable and you will feel strong and in the driver’s seat once you adjust to your new life that you get to choose!

[Marzena]

In beginning back in 1994 I was bread winner, my single house almost paid for. School paid for by employer so no student loans etc etc.

Got married, paid his student loans. Agreed to stay home to only find out 10 years later around 42 I need to start over and have been out or work for over 10 years, 2 kids and to try to get back to work in 2009 when recession within.

Started from scratch, was majorly humbled and although not RICH, but not living paycheck to paycheck.

I’ve always lived a frugal lifestyle so perhaps that may have been helpful but considering where you’re at now I would not fear just keep strong.

Tough in the beginning you bet, but you will come out stronger in time before you’re even aware that it is happening.

[Charlene]

Don’t be scared. Remember that you have come a long way, most people are not even close to your current position (me included,..& am older than you.)

Try to focus on the positive, and what you can control. Plus it’s not that bad, you are actually in a really good position.

I have to take my own advice when I say this but; the recommendation is that you observe the negative/not-so -positive-worry/thought, acknowledge its just a though, this though is not who you are, put it aside, and move forward.

For Some people divorces are “bad” for others it means their freedom & the beginning of an exciting new chapter.

I chose to see it as the latter when I went through it. And now looking back, it really was.

Best of luck going moving on, you can do this

[Julie]

From someone who has been there…one step at a time. Give yourself a lot of grace and a year from today you will be surprised where you land.

For now, take it a day at a time.

[Lolade]

You can do this, how do I know? Cause I was in similar shoes 13 years ago. Similar age and net worth at time of divorce and I have 2 kids that I am supporting without Dad.

13 years later, I have more than quadrupled my NW; I will admit the stock market in that time frame has been exceptional though.

It can feel daunting initially, but eventually you make peace with the situation and realize everything will be fine. Best wishes to you on this new journey.

[Author]

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