[USER]

We’re considering paying my in-laws $1k/month to help with after-school care, sick days, some weekend activities, cooking meals, and general support for our two kids (age 9 / grade 4 and age 5 / kindergarten).

They won’t live with us, but will be moving nearby to live with their eldest son.

We’re viewing this as a long-term arrangement — both to help with childcare and to support aging parents.

The goal is to allow both of us to work full-time without burning out or sacrificing our kids’ well-being.

Here’s our situation:
• I work three days in-office and take home about $8.5K/month. The job is demanding and fast-paced.

• My husband is currently not working but is ready to re-enter the workforce after being out for a year.

• This support would make it realistic for us to both work again without stretching ourselves too thin.

• We’ve struggled in the past trying to juggle full-time jobs and parenting — especially when both working remotely.

From a family/cultural perspective:
• My in-laws are Hispanic immigrants, at retirement age, but still working part-time because they can’t afford to live on Social Security alone. Financially and culturally, they rely on their three sons (my husband is the middle one).

• The relationship between me and my in-laws has been complicated in the past, but things are more peaceful now. They’re genuinely excited to help — especially grandma, whom our kids adore (and she’s an amazing cook!).

• The $1,000/month was mutually agreed upon between my husband and his parents.

• Their eldest son (a trucker) will provide housing, and they’ll also help care for his child while he’s on the road. His child’s mom is a stay-at-home parent.

A few specific questions I’d love advice on:
• Does this arrangement make financial sense long-term?

We can comfortably afford the $1K/month, especially when my husband returns to work — but we’re thinking ahead about other major expenses (college, retirement, etc.).

• Is $1K/month a reasonable amount? Too much? Too little? The goal is to be supportive — we’re not aiming for market-rate childcare. Curious how others in similar situations have structured family support like this.

• Have you supported aging parents financially — especially in retirement?

Any red flags, trade-offs, or long-term implications we should consider?

• Is it risky to mix family and money?
What’s helped you maintain healthy relationships and clear boundaries while offering financial or caregiving support?

Big picture: We want to do right by both our kids and our elders — without compromising long-term financial stability.

We’re trying to find a thoughtful balance between sustainability, family obligation, and fairness.

Thanks in advance for any perspectives, personal stories, or numbers you’re willing to share!

[Heather]

You can afford to pay them more, especially since you want them to be essentially on-call.

Your brother in law, who is a trucker, is giving them more (a place to live).

[Mandy]

$1k/mo seems low. They’ll be watching your kids full time, plus weekends? plus activities??

It benefits you more than them.

[Mariana]

I had a similar arrangement with my mom for about 15 years until she passed away last summer. Also, a Hispanic family. It was the best.

I never worried when I had to travel for work and she helped me around the house. The job was less demanding as she aged as the kids got bigger.

Flexibility is key. I’m pretty easy going and trusted the way she did things.

Everyone benefited from the arrangement and the kids got second language support as well.

[Mary]

Some thoughts
It seems to me that if I supported my parents financially, that would be without them doing anything for me.

It seems you are paying them for services. In that case, considering all you mentioned, they should get more.

Grandparents do give help without being paid. They are grandparents.
Consider imbedded costs. Who pays for the food they cook for you?

Suggest writing things down in greater detail so you can think things through in your head as to “the devil is in the details”.

Your kids are at a very impressionable age by whoever spends time with them. So valuable.

[Carmen]

The children will be going over to their home, your brother in laws home. So, 3 children.

I suggest even 2 days per week help. It’s too much for 60s to do especially with 3 kids. Housework , homework , house keeping is too much added to childcare.

$1000 seems low. Nothing beats peace of mind knowing grandparents are with grandkids.

[Gann]

I have friends who made a similar arrangement with parents. It turned sour when the grandparents were letting kids do screens the entire time after school instead of homework and activities.

You might want to either clarify expectations or really let those expectations go.

They also had issues with the grandparents sharing views with the kids that were not held by the parents. Grandparents become a big influence on kids when they are around this much.

I’m not sure anyone here could comment on whether it makes financial sense without knowing the going rate for after school care, how often they might do weekends, etc.

But also, it feels like too sensitive of a topic to weigh in on (and it sounds like your husband already agreed to it).

Does it make sense to wait until your spouse is working before beginning this arrangement?

Are you on track for retirement? Do you have debt? If they bring the kids places, do they pay or you?

[Trish]

The goal is to be supportive — we’re not aiming for market-rate childcare.

Any red flags? The big red flag is your comment about admitting to underpaying them.

[Aamy]

Great advice above, and so valuable for your kids to be able to build and strengthen relationships with their grandparents. Some additional considerations:

Make sure YOUR HUSBAND coordinates closely with older brothers family. Eg: MIL cares and cooks MWF for your family, and TuTh for older brother’s family.

Figure out priorities eg: if older brother is traveling or his kid is sick, then they take priority over your kids?

When dealing with in-laws, I learned to just smile and nod, and say only pleasant things.

I can never complain if food is too salty or greasy – that’s your husband’s job.

Although this is a FIRE group, the family time spent together is invaluable. Consider taking them on a vacation when your husband gets a new job

[Jewdi]

Contribute 500 monthly as a good faith allowance to the parents to do as they like without obligation or receiving a benefit.

Employ them to “assist” with child care and possibly cooking 3-4 days per week for 4 hrs daily and pay them 1000 for that.

Old people get burn out too and sometimes they want a day or two off just to rest.

If they’re overworked it can become stressful for everyone.

[Donald]

I suggest agreeing upon an hourly wage and paying them accordingly. We did this with my mom and it was a win-win for a long time, and we clearly discussed what would be “work hours” and what was grandma time going into each week to maintain clear expectations.

When the arrangement wasn’t working well anymore, we had to have some tough conversations, but ultimately we were able to end the “job” and still maintain a good relationship.

[Mark]

Not sure if anyone mentioned this, but if you PAY them for childcare and other services you will have to pay FICA and other things required of an employer and they will have to declare the income.

On the other hand, many grandparents take care of their grandchildren and receive no compensation, while many adult children support their parents financially be gifting them money to help them with their living expenses.

You might want to characterize the relationship as something other than employer/employee, but I am not here to give financial advice.

[Kit]

I think most important would be to be clear about the expectations. Are you paying strictly for childcare, or are you supporting family and as a thank you they will help out.

This is a big distinction because what about in a few years if the in laws become physically unable to help or when the kids are too old to need it?

They may still be relying on that money to survive.

If you’re okay supporting them just to support them I think it’s a great arrangement, and wonderful for the children to have them so involved in their lives.

But I would be careful if you’re viewing it in a more contractual light.

[Alta]

We have contributed financially to an elderly family members monthly income. For me, I had to pretend that that money just didn’t exist because my family member continued to make questionable financial choices.

I didn’t want my resentment or judgement to cloud my love for that person or effect how I viewed their gifts or whatever to others.

So, give only what you can comfortably give and expect NOTHING (not even appreciation) in return.

[Alta]

How long do you expect to be financially contributing to their monthly expenses? I think I would want to be clear about that going in.

Are you giving $1k/month as long as they provide a certain amount of childcare or will that be your share of their living expenses going forward forever?

Because they can’t afford to live on their current income without some family contribution.

Did your husband discuss that with you or just agree to it? What happens if they are not able to care for the children due to health or some other reason?

Do you agree with how they discipline kids or how they view gender roles or the numerous other things families disagree about that they may be indoctrinating your children in?

There are a quite few issues that can arise when you mix money and family

[Andrews]

Personally as someone who has 2 kids in childcare in a LCOL area. As a reference I pay 700 a week for daycare and the local school offers after school care for 300 a month per child.

I’d recommend making sure they plan to help with homework getting done or taking them to extracurricular activities they want to participate in.

Set some expectations possibly with the fact that it may only be a 10-year arrangement as teenages tend to want to do more independently.

If they’re able to make a meal on the days that you’d be home later or exhausted that would also save on food costs.

Making sure they’re on all the emergency lists would help and that’s when I’d justify trying it.

I’m Hispanic myself and there’s some people in my family that I know I wouldn’t be able to have a money arrangement with so I’d have a heart to heart before hand and make sure that both sides can stop the arrangement if they get to a point that they no longer can with regular conversations to make sure that y’all are a team throughout the time period.

[Rick]

I’m past having to mess with childcare options (thank god). Just something to think about, if they (your in-laws) become sick, are injured, or their situation or availability change, you and your spouse are stuck with having to manage coverage for the kids with little to no notice.

I would anticipate that this may come up.

You should have a plan figured out for this scenario ahead of time so you aren’t scrambling when it happens.

We always used a daycare center that we had 100% confidence in. If one of their teachers was out, it was on them to find a substitute teacher…not us.

I valued that given the demanding nature of my job and my wife’s at the time.

But, I know that finding good daycare centers is hard and fees can equate to a full 2nd mortgage payment.

[Curtis]

I am a Hispanic female with no children. I gift my parents 4k/month to look over my home while I am on frequent work travel (collect my mail, run light errands for home upkeep as in let service people in for repairs etc) Social security is theirs to use any way they wish.

In comparing my salary to yours, it would be the equivalent of you giving $2,266.67

[Shanda]

$1,000 ÷ 20 M-F days = $50 per day. If you do it under the table the parent is making $16.66/hour for 3 hours each day or $8.33 per kid per hour.

If you pay them legally and legitimately, it’s much less. Add in the weekends and sick days and yikes.

I’d say you’re getting a deal and they could use that same time to make more money somewhere else.

[Virginia]

I think you should come up with a schedule. For example are the grandparents watching your children on the three afternoons that you are at work or five afternoons?

How many dinners a week would your mother in law prepare? Are the grandparents eating with you on the three afternoons that you are at work?

I think it is important to clarify all of this because they are living with your sister in law and she needs to plan her meals for her family. You guys need a lot of cross communicating.

If your sister in law needs afternoon coverage on one of your days, how will that work?

I had friends where the grandmother was the babysitter and she cooked dinner for all of her kids.

They pooled their grocery money and as they picked up their kids, they would either stay and eat at their moms or it was ok to do a take away if they opted to head home. It seemed to work out well.

You have a lot of people to consider in this arrangement: your family, the grandparents and your brother’s family.
Communication will be key.

For comparison, at my grandkids after school care, it would be 810 a month for coverage until 6pm during the school year. And what about the summer when it is more full time?

Your husband is around for now, so maybe once he is working full time the payment can be increased for summer hours.

Maybe 1000 a month is a base and more gets paid if you need more or schedule changes.

[Author]

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