[USER]

WWYD?
Context: We have 2 condos in the same community (3 mins walk) at 3% interest rate, one for us , one for our aging parents.

They are healthy right now and its a great arrangement, but when one of them is left behind I would like them to live in the condo next door so I can run down for any emergencies (3 mins still feels far for aging parent who lives alone, Indian origin so feel a personal responsibility towards parents).

Single family home won’t work for us as Parents want to live in their own place with kitchen and not open to moving in with us.

Duplexes in the Bay Area are in bad neighborhoods and very expensive.

A condo next door has opened up, similar price range as the condo they live in but will be at 6% interest rate unless we buy all cash, and sell the other condo but condos in our community are not selling well right now (see below)

Option A: purchase the condo next door- this solve this problem once and all (problem of caring for aging parents when one of them is left alone), selling the other condo for a loss to recover as much money as possible or put it for rent while waiting for market to warm up .

Cons : loss in sale

Option B: Don’t purchase condo next door. Consider fixing my career which I am unhappy about.

if the dreaded situation of one of the parent left behind arises, rent a 3b2b house and put both condos on rent or sell, or wait for this sale again in the future and be ready to make a move then.

For now let it be. Cons: The uncertain situation can occur and throw our life out of balance .

Moving with a little kid and her school is not easy, rental market is equally brutal

Personal value system: Like to be debt free and mortgage free, and not get too much into rental property management etc. Reduce responsibilities over time, and have more freedom of time and choices.

About the community: The community is great, the HOA fees are on the higher side though, but resale is not great (three 1b1b lying on market > 2 months, one 2b1b and one 2b2b lying on the market > 4 months). 5 units lying on the market

Financial situation:
Husband wife 42 with a 3 year old kid working in tech in Bay Area.

880K income (50% is RSU 50% is salary). -> take home 30k after – pre-tax deductions and tax withholdings.

1M – tax advantaged accounts – Retirement -401k postal 401k + HSA + Roth IRA

1.2M – regular brokerage accounts (800k in MSFT + APPL stocks – not diversified). remaining diversified
500k – cash (including emergency funds)
1.5M – real estate assets – 2 condos
900k – outstanding loan amount at 3% interest rate
Excluded from FI number

240k – super funded 529 for my 3 year old (excluded from FI number)

100k – stock account for aging parents care (excluded from FI)

50k – brokerage for helping daughter with first car, first home deposit college non-529 eligible expenses (excluded from FI)
Monthly expenses – 15k (4.6k EMI + 3k property tax and HOA + 2.8k childcare + medical + utilities and help and groceries travel remaining) + investing the remaining in brokerage accounts (RSU – sell on vest and diversify)

[Sheila]

Do you even want to live in a condo with kids that are getting older?

[Christina]

If resell is not good, I wouldn’t try to own 3 units in the same community and be responsible for 3 HOA dues and 3 x assessments that will guarantee to happen.

I’d save money to buy a single family with in-law/ADU.

[Julia]

Single family + ADU in back – if the numbers are better than the plan above.

ADU in back is amazing for grandparents.

[Cris]

I would reflect on why you think a 3 minute walk is far and keep things as is.

You could work on your speed walking skills and get that walk down to 2 minutes or practice sprinting and shoot for a goal of 1 minute to run there.

[Tony]

Option B. You’re already closer to your parents than 99% of children who live outside of a household, and assuming both parents know how to dial 911, there’s probably no emergency that you can assist with where an extra 3 minutes will matter.

You might want to sit down with your parents and have a lengthy conversation with them about what their desires are between now until their end-of-life care instead of planning around them.

They sound happy doing what they’re doing, and this decision sounds like it’s primarily for your peace of mind over theirs.

[Scott]

I applaud your intentions but it seems like the current arrangement is fine.

If and when something happens you can regroup.

For example the surviving spouse could be completely fine in their current location for many years, or they could be in a state where it is simply not possible for them to remain alone at all following the loss of their spouse, such that even next door does’t work (you have a life so can’t be there at all times).

If it is mentally worth all the costs and given the slow pace of sales…I certainly would not want 3 units I’d be pretty aggressive about getting rid of the current parent unit.

Even if you lose (made up $) $50,000…that’s three weeks of your pay (Gross)…so while a bummer it’s not going to be catastrophic.

[Sarah]

I agree with others that it might be too soon to worry about this.

But your feelings are valid, and I wonder if you are working with a therapist who understands your cultural background and can help you develop the skills to support yourself and your family as they inevitably grow older, jobs change, etc.

and to help you celebrate how much you’re killing it with your finances. It’s hard, hard stuff. Big hugs!

[Amy]

I would not buy the condo, especially since you said they are not selling well.

But the bigger reason is that it’s hard to know what the surviving parent’s need would be and you’re better off making these decisions when your parent need it.

[Bill]

Seems like you are borrowing problems here. Maybe you have to deal with the loss of one parent and assist the other more, but that could be 20 years from now.

There is no reason to invest a ton of money now for that sort of thing.

[Katie]

I grew up across the street from my grandparents and it took longer than 3 minutes to walk up their driveway.

I say your current setup is still amazing and I personally wouldn’t buy another unit.

At the end of my grandmother’s life I spent lots of nights there when she needed around the clock care, but that was only for few months.

[Caroline]

This is shiny object syndrome. You have already secured your parents’ condo.

If you want to keep going down the rabbit trail, consider this: no matter whether they live in the existing condo, the neigh or condo, or in your own SFH, one day, neither of then will be there. But you will.

Do you want the thing that connects you to them after they’re gone to be your own financial debt or struggles to keep up?

Or do you want it to be memories and the peace you gave them about how secure you will be after they are gone?

[Deborah]

How would you feel about them watching your every coming and going. Essentially you will lose all autonomy.

How does your partner feel about losing autonomy?
How do your parents feel about living in a fishbowl?

If they are downstairs, you may be tempted to check on them constantly.
Seems you are close enough now.

I would leave things as they are.

[Mira]

Understand the need to be available immediately should the need arise, especially in the Indian household.

I lost my parents a year apart last year.

I think once the first one passes, the other might be more adaptable/open to new living arrangements.

I’ve noticed this rapid change in my parents once their health declines.

My 2 cents

[Noa]

Sorry, Im confused, don’t you already have 2 condos 3 min appart ? You are trying to get close than 3 min?

If do, I think if one parent is left behind, you can live 3 minutes away while you work on a better setup.

[Carrie]

I think hiring a therapist and unpacking your real issues would be cheaper. It hurts to loose a parent but it doesn’t make the other parent an invalid unable to microwave their dinner.

I don’t think your parents even really want to be closer. Sounds like they like their 3 mins of independence.

You’d be better off getting a life alert button for them so they can call someone for help if they fall and need assistance.

It then calls you. They are great. My MIL lived 2 miles away.

If she had issues she hit the button and the lady on the other end would call us to tell us she was stuck.

We would go help. Made everyone happy for $50/month.

[Inna]

You’re over-optimizing with no real need for it. The condo switcharoo will just eat up money in transaction fees and will also reset your tax basis

[Maria]

I don’t see how the 3-minute walk is an issue that is worth potentially tens of thousands of dollars in financial loss for a potential situation that might happen in 1 year/5 years/ 15 years or never.

[Jakki]

My parents are in their 80s and live around the corner. They are quite happy that we each have our privacy but are only four houses away if needed.

I’m almost positive they wouldn’t want me to live next door.

[Author]

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