[Martha]

I need your advice!!!!!!
My husband and I are trying to become financially free before our 40’s. I am currently 34 and hubby 35. We have been thinking about selling our beautiful home and down size to a townhouse.

We also have a 4yr old and an 8 yr old! Have zero debt besides our home. But I’m having a hard time letting go of our home where we’ve been for the past 7 years creating so many memories!

Our home is your basic American dream home nothing luxurious, but the little things like just how the sun shines on our room or having a backyard with a trampoline is what hurts giving up.

We do also have a lot of space we don’t need but thinking ahead maybe one of our kids would want to stay for college to save money!

Keeping our home means possibly paying it off in another 10 years and me getting another part time job.

My hubby works FT and is the bread winner, I’m only working PT over nights for the benefits and extra income but at this pace we are just covering enough for our needs and have very little for our wants.

If we get this town home we would be able to pay off the remaining balance after selling our home within a year!

I just don’t know what to do and would love people peace of mind to help me make this make sense!

For me it’s not the downsizing it’s the letting go of all the memories in our home. But with being mortgage free we would be able to travel more and create memories that way.

Owning a town home also would mean not being able to host our kids birthday parties, no bouncy houses in the backyard.

I’m really struggling and don’t have any support other than my hubby!

Thank you!

[Bill]

I would not sell the house unless you WANT or need to live somewhere else. Sometimes taking the FIRE movement too far is the wrong decision.

Your home is where you spend at least half your time, and where you will create more memories, not only with your kids but also your grandkids, friends, and family.

And at this time, I do not think you will be happy coming home to a townhome, especially as the kids get older and you will need more space.

[Frank]

It sounds like you would prefer to stay where you are, so do that.

Although it’s not popular, many people prefer an improved housing situation and enjoying their local environment to things like lots of travel (we are this way —

I traveled too much for work), and you are either going to be focused more on one than the other. It’s just a lifestyle choice.

I also don’t see the urgency of becoming FI before age 40 in your case based on what you have said.

I’d suggest FI by the time your 4 year old graduates from high school is likely a better goal.

[Debby]

So instead of selling and down sizing, why not work on getting your mortgage paid off as fast as possible.

Then this way, you’ll only have to save for real estate taxes and homeowners insurance.

You can now invest your former house to achieve FI.

[Laura]

Would you really save that much by the time you factor in higher interest rates and monthly HOA fees?

[Fulton]

I downsized to a townhouse because my ex abandoned the kids and I. It is much easier to maintain. I do not have a mortgage.

I got an end unit so much more light than one in the middle.

It is 4 bedrooms. I have a two car garage. It feels like a house. The neighborhood has a lot of parks, trails, pools, etc.

Most of my neighbors are married couples with kids.

My kids have both said they want small houses when they grow up.

[Peter]

This is a tough one. Make a pros and cons list. Try and focus on the POSITIVES of downsizing.

How much of a better situation will it put you in? Like would it speed up your FI by 5 years or even 10 years?

Could you get a townhome next to a school with a big field or wooded park so you don’t lose the space?

I happily live in a 2200 sqft townhome with 5 kids so I’m a bit biased but I think it could work if the benefits are great enough and you emphasize the positives.

[Zaure]

I wouldn’t move to townhouse. I lived I townhouse before and with kids and in general, house is so much better; especially when you have a backyard and some privacy!

[Dawn]

I personally would not move into a townhome with a four and eight year-old. Single-family home neighborhoods tend to have a lot more children and foster a sense of community.

Younger kids like to play outside.

I would save downsizing for after they are grown.

What is the point of being financially free if you’re not enjoying the experiences along the way?

[Bella]

Don’t let go of the house. FI is not a goal in itself, it’s a mean to a better life.

You are happy with the life you have built at your house.

Don’t screw it for the sake of optimization.

You can buy a townhome in five years when kids no longer care to play in the backyard

[Jodi]

Financial freedom is great, but personally, not at the cost of comfort in my home.

We’ve lived in both traditional homes and townhomes….

depending on the set up of the townhome, it can be extremely difficult to make that transition and having neighbors literally right next to you and have to hear their life happening on the other side of a wall.

In some situations, the neighbors have been a huge hit to our mental health and made life miserable.

Just like any property, you can’t control who moves In next to you and with a townhome, those changes are A LOT closer to home.

Plus, we like having the freedom to do whatever we want in our space and on our property.

There are benefits, less yard maintenance, usually the exterior of the home is maintained by a homeowners association and the homes are usually a bit smaller so easier to maintain.

If the townhome is in a community with other kids, it’s great to have ‘built in’ friends for the kids.

So, it’s not all negative, but for us, we won’t ever choose to live in a townhome again for the negative experiences we have had.

Either way, it sounds like some sacrifices will be made whether you move to a different house, you decide to take on an extra job to stay where you are or you extend your FI timeline by a few years….

you will have to choose which sacrifices make the most sense for your family.

[Tracy]

I don’t have an answer to what you SHOULD do–honestly only you can answer that. But I will make an observation that may or may not be obvious: all of the reasons you are listing that are reasons to stay in your current home are emotional reasons.

All the reasons you are listing to downsize are logical reasons.

Well, most of them anyway–the arbitrary “be FI by 40” thing is more emotional than anything (and, again, arbitrary.)

I’d have a conversation with your husband PLUS a trusted person–a therapist, a clergy person, someone who would not be impacted by your decision–around what you really WANT in life.

And then make the choice that aligns more with your goals.

For example: which drives you more? The image of your kids enjoying a bouncy castle birthday party in your back yard?

Or your kids with you on a round-the-world trip for a year when they are 11 and 7 (look up “world schooling”)?

Both are valid choices, but most people can’t have both. If you had to choose, which would you choose? That’s your answer.

[Akhimien]

I will never live in a townhouse again. When we did, we could hear the neighbors fighting.

My daughter’s room was near their master and they would bang on the wall etc.

You never know who you’d be sharing a wall with in a townhouse.

[Jamie]

My husband and I’s first home was a townhouse and the folks saying you never know who you’ll share a wall with are spot on. Our first neighbors were amazing!

We even shared WiFi, etc.

Then a year later, they moved and the new neighbors had parties all the time and smoked so much weed it wafted into our bedrooms.

We couldn’t get out of there fast enough. A home that you love is hard to come by IMO.

We’re fortunate to also have a house we love and our children spent nearly their entire childhood here.

If I were in your situation, I would stay.

[Tony]

FIRE aims to allow you to pursue the lifestyle you want, not necessarily to sacrifice the things you love for a shorter working timeframe.

Prioritize your needs/loves/likes/wants to make the best decision to reach as many of your goals as you can.

[Stacey]

When I got divorced I hung on to my 3,400 sf house for the kids. I didn’t want more change. Almost 7 years later I’m still hanging on and every day I look at houses I could pay cash for and what that would mean for us.

I should have just moved 7 years ago. The memories will remain no matter where you go.

My life would have been much easier over these 7 years if I’d downsized.

I’d have more money now and less stress now, if I had done the best thing for my bank account back then.

[Hin]

Think if it this way. Say your house is worth $400k and you owe $200k. You sell the house and use your $200k equity to buy a $200k townhouse.

Yay! No mortgage! FIRE here we come!

However what if both houses appreciate 10% in the next year or two? The $400k house is now worth $440k and your $200k house is now worth $220k.

Have you just lost $20k worth of appreciation to save a few thousand in mortgage interest?

If you bought the house a few years ago and got one if those 3% mortgages, you would have saved $6k in mortgage interest and lost out on $20k in appreciation.

Meanwhile the stock market is super volatile and you are living in a townhouse you don’t like.

[Kim]

Stay where you are! You are happy there. I find that townhouse living is mostly transition living for families.

With children that is a big consideration.

Cost of selling, buying and moving will not net as much as you might think.

[Shank]

Give your kids experiences. Take them on trips. Don’t be tied down by stuff and don’t allow your kids to grow up to be tied down by stuff.

The American dream as pushed in our face by consumerism is a lie. I’m realizing that now at age 50+.

The bigger your house the more stuff needed to fill it.

[Author]

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