[USER]

One important factor to consider before you FIRE: Perceived disrespect (spouse, family, friends, strangers)
I never anticipated people’s behavior/attitude towards me will change after retirment even if my savings is financing the family budget.

You will see their true face.

When you no longer make money, you are not considered worth.

Particularly in Asian culture. Even their normal attitude towards you will make you think they are disrepecting you. I don’t sit idle.

I have a hobby and take care of houshold chores and maintenance. Examples of disrespect I experienced:

Spouse getting irritated by your presence in the house all day. If your spouse works, it can get worse.

Family not seeking your opinion when making important decisions.

Friends chatter and banter exclude/ignore your presence
Family/Friends making innuendos that you are worthless
Strangers after knowing you are retired, cut short their conversations or move on

I am unable to adjust to family and friends’ change in attitude and the way they ignore me.

So, considering going back to work and actively looking for work or go back to my previous job.

[Christina]

I am Asian and I retired very early. My finances are private and I don’t share anything with anyone. I don’t give a *beep* about how others perceive me/my life.

I surround myself with people with similar interests and have no problem enjoying early retirement for the last 2 decades.

I am not going back to work just so others can “accept” me.

If you are considering that, the problem then lies in you that you look for acceptance/approval from others instead of from yourself.

I’d seek professional help to learn to love yourself and how to not live for other people’s validation/expectations. Good luck.

[Danny]

Family is family. Maybe have a discussion with them so they understand how you’re feeling. Can do the same with friends. However, if the disrespect continues on the friends side, they aren’t real friends.

Let them go.

Chances are there is a level of resentment and jealousy.

[Alex]

The part you mentioned about a spouse is very true and you should be mindful of that reality. I presume from your situation that you are a man and your spouse is a woman.

You may love each other but women do not tolerate men in the house all the time especially if they are accustomed to you being out for 9 hours a day.

You can immediately make this better by renting an office or going to the library to do your hobby or track your investments or read books or what have you.

As long as you’re out of the house for a few hours at least during the work week.

She will be less irritated and probably admire you more. I wouldn’t try to fight nature.

[Neeta]

This is sad, but don’t work to please others. You can say you are an investor in various things rather than retired.

Maybe they’re all jealous when you say retired and think you’re bragging..

[Linda]

I wouldn’t care about anyone else’s opinions except my spouse. I’m curious how/why you FIRED, but your spouse is still required to work.

I can see how that would be an issue if y’all kept separate finances over the years and weren’t on the same page financially.

[Sue]

Live your own life … somebody always has something to say .. you have to let it go

[Ana]

My plan is to say that I’m working on various projects with friends. Start up or something. I’ll figure something out closer to the date.

I’m more concerned about your husband, wasn’t he part of the process on deciding when to RE?

He shouldn’t be annoyed about it if this was a combined decision and if he wasn’t then you guys need to talk about how to make it work as a couple.

[Melody]

My husband is home alllllll of the time. And he’s a chatty dude. I would love to be home alone some times. If you’re picking up on resentment from your spouse, it’s understandable.

I get more done around the house when he’s not distracting me by chatting.

Maybe you could find an activity to be out of the house a day or two here and there.

[Tonya]

IMO, set boundaries with your family members and find new friends. I’m serious. Why should you be required to please others?

You are allowed to please yourself.

[Derek]

I’m not FIRE yet, so it’s hard for me to speak from direct experience.
But I think if you’re generally private and don’t boast or brag about your FIRE escapades to friends and family, it wouldn’t be an issue.

Firing before a spouse could be problematic.

I don’t really see an easy solution there. Maybe just FIRE at the same time to eliminate conflict assuming you’re both the same general age

[John]

You don’t need to go back to work, you need new people in your life. I’m also not above cutting family out of my life if they’re toxic enough. You have total control over who you have in your life.

And just to play devil’s advocate, are you maybe bragging or slightly showing off your new retired life without noticing it?

This may rub people the wrong way.

[Flynn]

you want to work so they can accept you? Im sorry You aint free. you need to redefine your freedom. My wife and I thrive on being different. We broke the curse of our family.

My family couldnt believe when I retired from my fulltime job at 33.. It’s been 3 years and theyre used to it now.

Normalize being different! you live your life! if you achievved FIRE congrats! that is an amazing achievement.

[Robert]

Honestly,
1. I simply wouldnt tell anyone new about your situation.

2. I absolutely wouldnt tolerate any level of disrespect from my family, certainly if my hard work paid for their lives.
Id sit down and have a huge talk w the family & tell them things will change.

If they dont value you, take your contribution to the family away, take the food out of their mouths and they soon will.

If I was disrespected by my family the disrespect would end very quickly or id simply get rid of them, family or not.

Humans very often have a crabs in a bucket mentally, youve earned your retirement, that free time is your right.

[Domanski]

Wait, but you were supposed to tell others that you are “working in consulting”, not retired.

At least, that’s the advice I read in one of the FIRE threads in the past.

On a more serious note, it is interesting to see what you are going through. Have you considered a hobby or maybe volunteering to keep busy and get the feelings of accomplishment?

Seems like maybe you yourself are too used to measuring your worth only in money or titles.

I’d have the same problem after having worked for many years, so I’d have to “detox” from that for a while and get very busy with something else, including spending more time with my kids and elderly parent.

[Jule]

I don’t think this is a general sentiment, even though to you it might feel like this is everyone’s experience. Sorry, this is happening to you.

Consider how you are projecting and interacting with others to make them feel that way.

Perhaps turn the conversation around to show them how your opinion can add value.

[Martin]

Not sure what type of Asian you are but what I’m writing should appeal to the ‘communal’ energy you might be experiencing. Sometimes we consider people we have known for a long time as friends simply due to the exposure, if that’s them, I would like to say that if they don’t like you with money, they might have never liked you without it.

The family part is a little vague because I’m not sure what descisions need you to be involved or how FIRE is involved. It is very odd to come from poorer countries and do something so opposite of a culture that values outward behaviors of discipline and work ethic to get ahead when young.

It probably feels like a form of dishonesty. You could get a more ‘presentable’ hobby that’s also a form of goal making to appeal to that side? I will say, strangers thinking you’re off shouldn’t mean much to you.

For one, they might simply not understand and not want to show they feel dumb or they might not even understand that they feel that way.

I remember I had a question on here and the mods approved and then suddenly disapproved saying I was being inappropriate.

Weird to go thru all that effort to ‘shame’ me in an unnecessary comment but ok? My guess is they didn’t understand and yet we’re all are here for the same thing. It happens.

[Christine]

Our time on earth is limited. I say to limit your time with these people if it is bringing you down energetically. That applies to family and to friends.

Doesn’t matter the relationship. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just step back.

They invite you to something? “I have plans already.”

My one rule – if their opinion doesn’t pay my bills, I don’t give a sh*t what they think. I control my money.

[Christy]

I have to say I have never experienced any of this. The most I get out of anybody seems to be a little envy.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.

[Tung]

It sounds like you’re a male and your wife is still needed to work to maintain family living standard

You’re both in a team. If you don’t contribute much to housework while your wife now has to work both at her work place and then household chores then it would lead to resentment.

If you rised up to the new tasks, making sure everything in households are in order, including food preparation, then she’d appreciate you as a very valuable partner

[Emily]

I feel weird about people’s perception -even if I shouldn’t, so I understand your concern.

However, that’s more about new people I meet and less about people I’m close with who I would also be really upset with negative treatment.

I manage our rental property, so I can be a property manager.

I have a blog, so I can be a content creator
Those labels help with just meeting people out and about and I don’t want to get into all that.

[Author]

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