[Danielle]

Were they caring for the home, children, or elderly parents during that time? Did they shoulder other responsibilities that allowed you to focus on your career?

[Helene]

As my mentor said to me when I was going through a divorce and wouldn’t tolerate my complaints about the situation, “You picked him!”

She was helping me to not dwell on what IS and instead look forward to what WILL BE.

I learned a lot of life lessons in the process.

Could/would I have done things differently knowing what I know now?

Absolutely. But I try to live without regrets so I had to find the lessons in the situation that would help me to NOT repeat my mistakes.

May you find peace.

[Helene]

As my mentor said to me when I was going through a divorce and wouldn’t tolerate my complaints about the situation, “You picked him!”

She was helping me to not dwell on what IS and instead look forward to what WILL BE.

I learned a lot of life lessons in the process.

Could/would I have done things differently knowing what I know now?

Absolutely. But I try to live without regrets so I had to find the lessons in the situation that would help me to NOT repeat my mistakes.

May you find peace.

[Kirsten]

It’s wild to me that a spouse with less ambition not only benefits from having a higher standard of living during the marriage but also expects to continue in that capacity afterward.

If you are ambitious, do not get government married unless you absolutely have to.

[TJ]

Short answers: No… the courts usually don’t care about ‘motivation’…just realized wages.

Yes, you will probably have to pay more in child or spousal support.

[Brittney]

Reality is, it is not black and white.
There are a lot of factors that influence career earnings, including spouses who stay home to take care of children lose a lot of income earning potential. Educational opportunities.

Physical and mental abilities.

When you marry, without a prenuptial agreement, you are at risk of having to share your income in a divorce.

I say this as someone who makes 2.5 times my spouse.

He is a great partner with a respectable salary.

But if we ever divorce, I would likely owe him spousal maintenance payments.

At the end of the day, state laws and negotiations in the divorce will decide what happens.

[Roxanne]

When my boyfriend went through family court with his ex-girlfriend and they were discussing her request for child support, the judge took into account her earning POTENTIAL.

She had a bachelor’s degree yet chose to work at a lower paying part-time retail job, and they had already shared care of their son pretty equally.

They denied child support because even though she earned less, she had the same or higher earning potential due to her education.

I know this is a different subject than divorce/alimony, but they may have similar considerations

[Michelle]

I think that alimony is stupid since no one should have a better lifestyle for being in a relationship that failed.

That said I’m all for child support.

To answer your question though, there’s no way the legal system can measure career motivation so they don’t factor it in.

[Rachel]

I’m not a lawyer and can’t answer any specifics, but it’ll depend on the state and judge and how strongly you/your lawyer prove your case that your spouse is able to earn more based on education/experience.

[Kaj]

They occasionally impute income. But this is sometimes only done if a higher earner appears to be recently underemployed.

I know someone with the same problem.

They were both high school graduates.

Both worked at the same company, he even had 5 years seniority.

But she moved up over the years.

He was a deadbeat who didn’t want to pay more taxes or child support to his first daughter.

In the end she got 70:30 custody so he should have paid her, but he never has except for about 6 months to look good just before court.

It depends on many factors alimony, custody & child support are three different things.

[Author]

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