[USER]

I am so discouraged today and need some suggestions.
Liquid assets are at about $70k, but student loans are close to $300k. Our primary home has about $300k equity.

Not refinancing because our rate is 2.875% but it will be 37 years before it is paid off.

I will be graduating in April 2025 with a juris doctorate. I am already working now and mostly as a paralegal and ghostwriting for attorneys – I do a lot of legal writing (i.e., motions, briefs, etc.).

And between a temporary job and running my own business, on track to earn close to $150k by the end of this year.

It’s crazy to think that because I lost my regular full-time job in July 2024 and got myself into a contractor role where I am treated with more respect.

Anyway, I pay myself a lower wage as a W2 than what my client pays my company.

If it is a full year, I will be at about $250k.

I did not want to take a draw business my business, but I will need to due to a lot of expenses and my other business (investment real estate) not generating enough cash.

I have 5 children. My husband is on social security disability and not allowed to work.

He does what he can, but it’s become a financial drain whenever he needs to buy things to fix the house — things are usually bought and they sit in the house. One of our bathrooms has been dismantled for close to 4 years now.

Everytime he needs to buy something, he would say I told him yes. right, but then he asks me for something else.

Something else bought and not used. Anyway, I told him he needs to give me the amount and when he needs it, so I can budget.

I told him to expect 6 months for larger purchases because need to get a control on his lack of desire to budget.

Thoughts?

[Crystal]

Are you saying you have 37 years left on your mortgage? I don’t understand how this is possible.

[Audrey]

What is the issue … you are making 150k as a law student now and will likely make more az a lawyer.

Graduate, pass the bar exam, and tackle the student loans.

Not sure what the question is regarding the husband.

[Christine]

I say this with the most kindest intentions, first your husband needs to be put on a tight budget.

No more projects for him until he finishes what he has to do at home.

Pay down the loans and don’t take on any other debts.

The kids should all go to free community colleges or buyer schools until you pay off that debt.

[Scott]

About what? You need Dave Ramsey. You and your husband need to live on about 70k a year tops.

Other wise the train wreck will continue.

[Brianna]

You’re not earning plenty of money for 7 people. Tell him no until things get finished around the house.

Are you in danger if you refuse?

[Chrissy]

Since your partner has been the stay-at-home parent and the default parent to 5 kids while you worked to support them, you would be paying way more in childcare, spousal support, child support, and convenience costs such as laundry, housekeeper, daycare, etc.

if you did not have a stay at home parent to support your 5 children and yourself while you increased your earning potential.

All the people who are saying to get a divorce as not considering the very real financial consequences that would be involved.

No way the OP will reach FIRE when divorced, paying for two households, etc.

Get on a budget and worry about the loans after you graduate and figure out your full income.

Right now, you need a set budget that includes a personal amount for your disabled partner.

If this was a disabled woman who is a stay-at-home parent and the husband was complaining about their frivolous spending on household goods, the response would be much different.

Work as a team, but also acknowledge that you hold the power and try to avoid creating a situation where financial abuse is occurring in the relationship because you have that power.

I like the suggestion of Dave Ramsey plan. I got out of 55k in debt and significantly improved my family budget following his baby steps.

[Michele]

You have a lot going on and I think you’re too fractured in your goals.

The kid goals for them to not struggle is going to have to go on hold. They have time on their side.

Finishing school as and paying the debt off is a priority. $300k student loans and how much is left on the house?

What other debt is there? You said you have real estate holdings. Is there debt there? Credit cards?

Check out Dave Ramsey to start getting this under control.

You and hubs need to have a heart to heart and do some goal setting, too. That includes debt, spending and house projects.

After the debt, then you need to get your own retirement and investments set up, then focus on the kids.

Part of helping them is letting them live at home and providing basic expenses but they need to work.

If it’s not in their field they need to figure it out.

You can help them after you get your own financials in order.

[Dinene]

This is a marriage issue not 100% a finance issue. And divorce sounds great, but you’ll be on the hook for alimony and child support and splitting of assets which isn’t appealing either.

You guys need to have an honest discussion about the projects that are currently undone.

No more projects at all until the current ones are finished. And if he can’t do it then hire someone who can.

And no further projects for the time being. Create a budget for him/with him.

And if he ends up broke and can’t manage whatever is in his own account then that is on him.

Having separate accounts is the only thing that did not completely devastate me.

[Sara]

Sell your real estate investments. If you’re already negative cash flow you don’t have resources for a bigger repair or expense.

It could devestate you if that happens. Put family on tight budget and pay off your loans.

[Russell]

I know the budget is tight, but step one is some marriage counseling.
You say in a comment that he takes care of everything at home.

Cooking, cleaning, kids…sounds like a solidly contributing SAHP.

You talk about getting educated to make more and finally earn some respect…sounds like you tie respect to earnings and don’t respect his contributions.

Add in the severe disability, and I’m sure he’s working with some insecurities to add on top of it.

So, then he wants to show his value by doing projects…projects he can’t actually do.

For financial advice, plenty of families make it work with one earner and one SAHP. Use a common card for expenses like groceries.

Have “pocket money” for each of you that’s no questions asked on spending it. Ideally in separate accounts.

Sell the houses. They are revenue negative, and the extra debt isn’t helping your credit score.

You seem fixated on real estate. You have a dozen irons in the fire (5 kids, 2 jobs, 1 disabled spouse…); you don’t need the complexity of real estate on top of that. Put it into debt and index funds.

Stop saving to buy your kids income generating real estate…your own real estate is cash flow negative!

You can’t help them with finances if yours are a mess. Get your house in order, then help them out in a few years.

[Shawn]

Why don’t you take a higher distribution from your company? Some as W2 some as distribution?

[Paul]

You’re living a life that very few people in the world even feel qualified to dream about. Just thank God and be grateful.

Pay off your mortgage slowly at an extremely low rate and pay off your student loans and live your happy life.

Making a quarter of $1 million a year before you even have your degree with an extremely low interest rate loan and also disability payments.

[Tracy]

I feel horrible for you. I feel like you’re overachieving but you got an anchor dragging you down.

You’re the bread winner so u need to tell him no. He can’t just undo all the hard work you do.

It’s not fair to you.

[Curtis]

What’s the interest rate on the student loans, can you handle the monthly payment?

Just make your monthly payments on student loans and aggressively invest so it has more time to compound?

[Author]

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